Hawthorne Press Tribune
Herald Publications - El Segundo, Hawthorne, Lawndale & Inglewood Community Newspapers Since 1911 - (310) 322-1830 - Vol. 62, No. 18 - April 30, 2020
The Weekly Newspaper of Hawthorne
A Big Thank You with Covered Smiles to Urth Caffé
Urth Caffé dropped off some delicious and healthy meals for our officers and staff. This shows that Hawthorne is the City of Good Neighbors. Photo Hawthorne Police Department.
Experienced Construction Trial Attorney
Helping homeowners get projects completed.
Helping contractors get paid.
Ryan@Baldino.Law (310) 300-1511
Your Neighborhood Therapist
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
I have been in a horrible divorce and custody
battle. We share custody of our elementary
school children. I am an immigrant with a
full time job that barely pays the bills for
my small apartment. My ex-husband and his
family have unlimited resources, and I am
convinced he will try to keep me in court
to bankrupt me and “prove” I am an unfit
mother so that he can get full custody of the
children and limit my access to them. He tells
the children I am unworthy of respect, and
he has threatened me and also lied in court.
This has been incredibly hard on the kids,
and they are starting to act out and don’t
know what to believe. At the same time,
I feel like I am walking on eggshells with
my own kids, like I cannot even give them
a timeout, because it might be used against
me and lied about to take them away. How
can I possibly teach my children about right
and wrong if I can never say no to them
about anything?
– Trying to Hang in There, Manhattan Beach
Dear Trying to Hang in There,
I’m very sorry to hear what you are going
through. Your ex-husband has put you in a
terrible position. He has whipped up a storm
of pain and chaos, and either does not notice
or does not care about the effects it has on
his own children. Despite your best efforts,
he has been able to insert his presence into
your home even though he is not there.
Worse, he is punching down: you are an
immigrant in a country where women earn
less than men - a double disadvantage - your
ex-husband is trying to ruin you, and yet you
know that society will certainly lay the blame
at your feet if your children have problems.
This is yet another burden to bear.
While you have little room to maneuver
in the short term, you do have two things on
your side: community and time. First, community.
No matter what the circumstances,
we do not live in a bubble, and raising these
children is not your job alone. As they get
older, teachers, friends, family, therapists
and others will affect your children as much
as you on anyone else will. Are you able to
spend time with friends and family who share
your values? Your kids will pick up on these
values, and they will see how others treat you
as the kind and loving person that you are. It
will leave a mark.
The second thing you have on your side
is time. Your story is part of a long and vile
tradition of mothers paying huge, unfair prices
for their husbands’ wrongdoing. If you continue
to be kind and loving, your kids will notice.
They will see you at your best. It will sink in.
See you next week.
If you need help, or have the ability to help
others, please reach out and I will coordinate.
If you or someone you know needs to talk
to someone, please reach out and I will take
as many people as I can during this crisis,
regardless of ability to pay.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world. Tom
Andre is an Associate Marriage & Family
Therapist (AMFT96089) supervised by Chris
Thomas (MFT78020). The information in
this column is for educational purposes only
and nothing herein should be construed as
professional advice or the formation of a
therapeutic relationship. •
Huber’s Hiccups
News for the City of Good
Neighbors from an Old Guy
named Norb Huber
Freedom
There has been a lot of talk about
civil liberties these days. The kind of
rights and privileges that are guaranteed
us in our nation’s constitution.
Whenever someone’s liberties are
challenged or taken away, there is
usually an outcry, a lawsuit, or a
protest. But these days are different. We have
an emergency order that is in place to stop a
pandemic. The question is where do we draw
the line on what the government can require
us to do or not do? Can we make our own
choices in times like these? It seems like that
in addition to national directives, we have every
state, every county, and some times every city
with different directives. Which ones do we
follow? We are torn between following the
orders or making some personal decisions that
we feel make sense for us and the safety of
those around us. It’s a challenge some days
to decide what is safe and what is not. Most
of us want to support our country. We want
America to win this battle and every battle. We
are all patriotic to some extent. Our
country was founded on freedom.
When our freedoms are taken away,
even just for a short period, we are
not happy campers. We long for
those days when we can do whatever
we want, whenever we want,
with whomever we want. That’s
what makes this time so hard. We
want our country to be strong. We
don’t want our economy to break.
We want to be proud Americans.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of
things our county was built on. Samuel Francis
Smith wrote the lyrics to “America” in 1831
while a student at the Andover Theological
Seminary in Andover, Massachusetts. Some
of you might have sung this song at the start
of a school day. Read the words to the first
verse: My country, ’tis of thee, Sweet land of
liberty, Of thee I sing; Land where my fathers
died, Land of the pilgrims’ pride, From ev’ry
mountainside Let freedom ring! Many have
given their lives to protect our great country.
This past week, one such American hero died.
He wasn’t famous. He should have been. I was
tempted to write a book about him before he
See Huber’s Hiccups, page 7