Page 2 April 16, 2020
Your Neighborhood Therapist Entertainment
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
This week I was furloughed from my
job. I feel like I was not good enough. But
I have been doing my job well for 10 years,
and it makes me feel like the company does not
appreciate me. On top of that, my company is
unable to give me any information about when
I will be called back to work, whether or not
I will be full time or part time, or whether or
not I will have a job at all. I am 59 years old,
I live alone, and I will have trouble finding
something nearly as good. All of this together
has left me feeling anxious and depressed.
How do I move forward?
- Unsure What is Next
Dear Unsure What is Next,
I am very sorry to hear about this. We could
spend months discussing how we got here.
That might actually make you feel better, but
it’s not going to help you think about what
steps to take next.
Try this: grab a pen and paper, and
even a glass of your favorite beverage if
it helps set the stage for reflection. Take the time
to write down the answers to a few questions.
Think about the times in the past when,
facing uncertainty or difficult situations,
you made a decision or took an action you
remain proud of. Go through these questions
a few times. You may think of new situations,
or go over the same event multiple
times. It does not have to be a life-changing
situation - just a time where you stuck
to your principles. What were the circumstances?
As you look back at this event,
what principles guided you in acting the
way you did? What skills or talents did you
draw upon in taking that action? It wasn’t easy,
so you had to have used some skill. Perseverance,
perhaps? Ability to care for someone?
Strength to stand up for what you believe in?
Do you still hold those same principles today?
Now imagine that those principles are the
chorus in the Greek drama of your life: how
would the chorus suggest you to act today?
What talents have they witnessed in your past
that they would urge you to call upon now?
Depression and anxiety may be justified.
Circumstances may overwhelm. No
“solution” exists though we desperately want
one. But our current situation is never the
only story of our life. We also have those
moments when we did the thing we hoped
we would do, or when we were the person
we wanted to be, or when we managed to
think about what we would have done if
we had the opportunity. These stories, these
versions of ourselves, are just as valid as
what is happening now, and they hold
knowledge we can use. This is the highlight
reel of your life - the one that you put together,
not the one created by someone else. You
know why you put each clip in. You know
the backstories. Everything you need is there.
If you need help, or have the ability to help
others, please reach out and I will coordinate.
If you or someone you know needs to talk to
someone, please reach out and I will take
as many people as I can during this crisis,
regardless of ability to pay.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling. com
or text to 310.776.5299 with questions about
handling what is affecting your life, your family,
the community or the world. Tom Andre is
an Associate Marriage & Family Therapist
(AMFT96089) supervised by Chris Thomas
(MFT78020). The information in this column is
for educational purposes only and nothing herein
should be construed as professional advice
or the formation of a therapeutic relationship. •
An Exclusive Interview with
Drake Doremus, Director of
Endings, Beginnings
By Morgan Rojas for cinemacy.com
Known for his emotionally honest and romantic
dramas, Drake Doremus (Equals, Like
Crazy) has a talent for capturing the most
profound moments of a person’s life on
screen. It’s as if he has the ability to look
directly into our collective minds and at the
anxieties and desires that trouble the modern
young person. In his newest film Endings,
Beginnings, Daphne (Shailene Woodley) finds
herself troubled when she becomes entangled
in two different relationships with friends Jack
(Jamie Dornan) and Frank (Sebastian Stan).
Each man offering something the other can’t,
Daphne’s growing sense of guilt and secrecy
only makes her question a deeper desire: is
she okay without depending on a partner at
all? In our exclusive interview, Doremus
talks about his signature filmmaking style
and why he loves a good “ugly cry.” Endings,
Beginnings is available to stream on
Amazon this Friday.
I’ve been a big fan of yours since the
very beginning, and am fascinated by your
process. Do you take the same approach
with every film, and prefer a treatment
vs a script?
Definitely prefer a treatment or outline, it
feels more exciting. You’re working backward,
essentially. The idea of dialogue being last is
a challenge, but also so exciting as opposed
to a script where the dialogue leads you and
then you fill in the blanks with subtext and
objectives and all the stuff that I’m obsessed
with as a filmmaker.
Shailene Woodley, Jamie Dornan, and
Sebastian Stan’s performances are so raw
and honest. Do you feel bonded after having
gone through this experience with them?
I hope so! Each movie is different. Sometimes
you end up being close, sometimes
you don’t. But I feel like I ended up making
really good friends on this one. I think this
is probably one of my favorite experiences
making a movie. It’s like going in the foxhole
together when you do something really
emotionally vulnerable… that bonds you in
a really special way.
The music in the film is awesome. Beach
House, Hayden Thorpe, fantastic choices.
Did a music supervisor help with that?
I worked with Chris Douridas, he’s an
incredible music supervisor. He’s on KCRW
and he always gets exciting music.
A lot of your films deal with this search
for love. With each film, do you feel like
you come closer to discovering it?
It depends on the day you get me. Some
days I feel like I’m getting closer to it. Some
days I feel like I’m getting further away. I
mean, that’s the human experience, right?
This movie was such a cathartic experience.
Trying to just be okay with things not being
okay sometimes.
A lot of people are commenting that
they’re excited that Endings, Beginnings
will be available to stream online because
they can now “ugly cry” in the comfort
of their own home.
Hahaha those are my people! I wouldn’t
be able to make movies without those
people. When I watch a movie, I want to
cry my [butt] off. And if I’m not crying,
then I don’t really like the movie. I love
watching Dumb and Dumber and it
makes me happy but man, I just want to
go cry. So I love those people and I love
those comments.
I have to admit, Endings, Beginnings
made me “ugly cry” too.
Oh my God, you made my day!
Interview has been edited for length and
clarity. •
Drake Doremus, courtesy of Cinemacy.
Morgan Rojas
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