Page 2 December 17, 2020 EL SEGUNDO HERALD
Your Neighborhood Therapist
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
I am now at the “sandwich” stage of
my life, caring both for aging parents and
young children. I don’t mind it, but at the
end of the day I’m exhausted. It’s like having
a second and third job, not to mention
the additional burdens of doing it with
coronavirus raging. I don’t regret it for a
second, but sometimes I just want to be
“seen.” Does anybody understand how
hard it is? Does anybody appreciate it?
– Struggling to Keep Up, Manhattan Beach
Dear Struggling to Keep Up,
It’s not that nobody appreciates it, or understands
how hard it is. It’s just that sadly,
few people will admit this in public. It is
one of the terrible secrets of our culture
that we too often diminish the value and
importance of taking care of others. Indeed,
we “feminize” the art of caregiving, both
personally and professionally, beginning by
paying professional caregivers far too little
money given the demands and importance
of their job. Men are frowned upon when
they take their full paternity leave - if they
have it available - or leave work to take their
children to doctor’s appointments.
May I propose we think of caregiving in
a completely different way?
What if instead of a burden, we think of
caregiving as “productive” time, as essential
as any human activity? What if we consider
caring for others just as important as caring
for ourselves? Is there any reason not to
think of it this way?
Some people (by which I mean, “men,”
mostly) tend to think that the way to build
relationships is to create major memories and
moments. Trips, concerts, parties, extravagant
gestures. These extraordinary events may be
more memorable - because they are extraordinary
- but they are not more meaningful.
Sometimes the smaller interactions are the
most meaningful, even if they take time to
register: putting the coffee in a more reachable
place; taking the time to tell a child a
story; or walking slowly down the stairs with
someone to make sure they don’t fall; holding
a sick friend’s hand; driving someone to
the doctor’s office; helping them carry their
heavy groceries inside. All of this is not only
worth it. It’s essential.
Taking care of someone towards the end
of their life is just as important as taking care
of someone at the beginning. It’s frustrating
that in caring for an aging parent, we may
never get to see the fruits of our labors.
But that’s not the point: how about taking
a moment to reflect that we are the fruits
of their labors.
We don’t always have to be producing
something, or learning something, or
See Therapist, page 8
Love Thy
Neighbor
Dear El Segundoians,
The Herald staff and I
only know so many El
Segundoians, but we want
to learn about more of
you. With 8,000 residents,
we’re sure there are
some gems we may have
overlooked or not been
aware of them. Do you
have an interesting friend,
neighbor or student? With
most of El Segundo sports
and events on hold, we
are looking to do more
El Segundo residents’
profiles. All you have to
do is ask their permission
and send us their contact
information. Send your
suggestions in to letters@
heraldpublications.com
Of course, if you find
yourself fascinating, send
us your information too.
– Best to you all. HM.