Hawthorne Press Tribune
The Weekly Newspaper of Hawthorne
Herald Publications - El Segundo, Hawthorne, Lawndale & Inglewood Community Newspapers Since 1911 - (310) 322-1830 - Vol. 63, No. 49 - December 9, 2021
Hawthorne High School Student Receives Scholarship
That Will Bring Her a Step Ahead into Her Future
Hawthorne High School of Manufacturing & Engineering student, Abril Zapatas, receives full scholarship for 7-month training program for e-motorsports. Congratulations Abril. Photo courtesy Centinela Valley Union High School District.
Your Neighborhood Therapist
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
I love my dad. We’ve gotten along well
for the most part, but I am slowly coming to
realize that we are very different, and we’re
never going to see eye to eye on a lot of
things, especially when it comes to my life
and career choices. He is a good father, and
has been quite successful in life, but he seems
to think that that gives him the right to tell
me how to live my life. He is very dismissive
when I disagree with him. I still depend on
him financially, and I’m also sure that he
would support me a lot more financially if
I were to choose a different career, even if
it doesn’t pay any better. This doesn’t seem
fair to me. Can I change his mind? How?
How far should I push him?
– Broke For Now, El Segundo
Dear Broke,
You’re in a real pickle. Sadly, in the context
of a relationship, having money often means
having power. As long as money has existed
people have used it to get what they want.
You might be right, but so what if you are?
That doesn’t change the situation if your
dad is set in his position. So much of what
happens next depends on your own preferences,
which is why I have more questions
than answers for both of you.
For your dad:
Is he withholding further help because he
thinks your choices would be destructive, or
just different than the ones he would make?
At what age did your dad realize that his
parents did not have all the answers and
were not correct about everything? How
did that happen? Is that the standard he is
holding you to?
At what age did your dad realize that
in fact he had all the answers? What is his
position on your ability to draw your own
conclusions about what is best for you,
and under what circumstances might he
determine that you are capable of reaching
these conclusions yourself? (If his answer
is “never,” that’s good information for you
to have.)
In the meantime, there are some hard
questions for you, too:
What is the cost - both financially and
professionally - of not doing what he wants
you to do?
How badly do you want to pursue your
chosen field?
Is your dad’s lack of material support truly
the thing that is getting in the way of making
a living doing it? How far along would
you be if you had no support from him, or
anyone else?
You could make all of the best arguments,
and he might agree with them, but it’s going
to take him some time to process because
people’s minds rarely change on a dime about
anything. Nobody likes to be confronted
with facts that don’t fit the narrative they
have constructed.
You mentioned that you have mostly a
good relationship. Try to find a space where
you can ask each other these hard questions.
Often, when it comes to people we love,
we find it’s not worth being as rigid as we
want to be - especially when we see that we
are hurting the people we want to protect.
He’s going to have to arrive at that same
conclusion. If he doesn’t, there is no shame
in compromising in exchange for a better
material or financial position. Almost all of
us do this at some point in our lives to one
degree or another.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world.
Tom Andre is a Licensed Marriage & Family
Therapist (LMFT119254). The information
in this column is for educational purposes
only and nothing herein should be construed
as professional advice or the formation of a
therapeutic relationship. •