Lawndale Tribune
AND lAwNDAle News
The Weekly Newspaper of Lawndale
Herald Publications - El Segundo, Hawthorne, Lawndale & Inglewood Community Newspapers Since 1911 - (310) 322-1830 - Vol. 80, No. 37 - September 16, 2021
El Camino College Honors Our Fallen Heroes
In honor of those who lost their lives on September 11, including the 343 brave members of the New York City Fire Department, El Camino College Fire Academy’s Class 157 and several past graduates performed a memorial tower climb. Individuals climbed 110 stories, the
same height as the World Trade Center, at the ECC Fire Academy. The recruits started the climb in full turnouts, with some on air, while slowly peeling off gear until completion, approximately one hour and 30 minutes later. Photo courtesy El Camino College.
Your Neighborhood Therapist
Dear Neighborhood therapist,
Since school started my child has begun
to experience increased anxiety, and I think
that I am partly or mostly the cause of it.
I don’t want to be that “helicopter” parent
who can’t back off or give their child any
breathing room, but I’m afraid I might be.
At the same time, I just want the best for
my kid and I don’t think they have any idea
what awaits them in the “real world.” I will
feel terrible if I don’t do everything in my
power to prepare them for that. What can I
do to help my child? -
– Is it me? It’s me, isn’t it?, El Segundo
Dear It’s Me,
It’s you. It is. You’re definitely contributing
to the anxiety that your child is experiencing.
But also: of course, it’s you. It is every
parent. Take a moment and bask in it, if
you want to. There is no escaping. Nobody
raises children and keeps their hands clean.
It’s better to ask if the anxiety you are
causing is worth it the benefit, they are getting
of the action you are taking that causes
anxiety. And then it’s good to ask if anything
can be done to reduce it.
Stress and Anxiety are not always bad
things. We live in a world that has deadlines
and requirements. Stress and anxiety often
help us meet those obligations. As parents,
part of the job is helping our children learn
to meet their obligations. Usually, there is a
little bit of parental pressure involved, and
that pressure creates stress and anxiety. How
to get rid of the stress and anxiety? Easy:
get the thing done that needs to be done.
But when is the emotional price too
high? How do you distinguish between
pushing your child to do what is necessary
to thrive versus what is merely desirable?
How much extra anxiety will this pressure
cause? Will that anxiety destroy any pleasure
they might have taken in doing something
on their own?
Take some time and think about these
questions, especially the emotional price.
How did you arrive at the conclusions that
you did about what is worth pressuring a
child about? How are the issues and conditions
your child faces different and similar
to the ones you faced? How strongly do you
hold these opinions, and why do you hold
them to that particular degree? Is there any
wiggle room on your end?
These are hard questions to which there
is no “right” answer. Even as you mull
over the responses, consider sharing your
thought process with your child, as well
as what influences you are weighing.
Shining some light about your process -
even if you ultimately disagree - could go
a long way.
A quick recap. First: yes, it’s you. You
are contributing to the anxiety your child
experiences. Second: but of course, you are,
because you’re a parent who cares about
your child. Third, determine which of your
actions (you can ask you child!) contribute
to anxiety, and determine as best you can if
the cost to time and money and relationships
is worth the benefit they derive.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world.
Tom Andre is a Licensed Marriage & Family
Therapist (LMFT119254). The information
in this column is for educational purposes
only and nothing herein should be construed
as professional advice or the formation of a
therapeutic relationship. •
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