Page 2 May 6, 2021
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
My partner and I have been arguing more
lately, and our arguments have been getting
worse. We have said things that we regret and
don’t mean, and it feels like we use everything
that we have said against each other each time.
We really love each other and we want to stay
in our relationship, but we are worried that the
conflict has taken on a life of its own and at
some point, it will become too much. Do you
have any ideas about how we can address this?
– Seriously Concerned, Hawthorne
Dear Seriously Concerned,
Conflict in a relationship is practically inevitable.
You will disagree. One or both of you won’t
be at your best, and conflict will flare up. My
suggestion is to take a moment when you are
getting along well, when the stakes are low, and
have a philosophical discussion about conflict.
In other words, talk about how you fight. Here
are some ideas that might help get you started.
First, the bad news: people speak carelessly
all the time, even to the people they love the
most. When people whose words have power
over us get things wrong - which they do,
because they are human - these words can
have lasting negative effects.
Here’s the good news. You know this already,
but it bears repeating: the mind goes places we
sometimes wish it did not. But just because
an idea pops into your mind doesn’t mean
that you subscribe to it; and just because your
mind entertained the notion that something was
possible doesn’t mean that you believe it to be
true. Messed-up thoughts about our partners
occur to all of us. Sometimes, especially when
we are stressed, these messed-up thoughts slip
straight from our brains and out of our mouths.
And of course, we cannot un-say them or unhear
them, can we?
It sounds dire, but what if we consider that
people get stuff wrong about each other all the
time. Your parents got stuff wrong about you.
If you have children, you will get stuff wrong
about them. Your partner will get stuff wrong
about you, and you will get stuff wrong about
your partner. Just because you said things to
each other doesn’t make them true.
But what if the stuff you said about your
partner actually is true. And maybe all the stuff
your partner said about you is true. Fine, let
us assume for a moment that it is, and neither
you nor your partner is a perfect angel. What
are the implications of the fact that you are not
in a relationship with a perfect angel? When
you each think about each other’s flaws, is
“fixing” what is wrong with them a condition
of remaining in the relationship? If not, what
makes it worth remaining in the relationship
despite these imperfections?
On the other hand, what if it turns out
that one of you, or both of you, took a bit
of poetic license in the heat of the moment?
What if it turns out that you wanted to win
the argument or push back because you felt
attacked? What if your discussion leads you
to discover that “Conflict” has taken on a life
of its own, separate from that of the relationship
that you both want to nourish? Wouldn’t
it be ironic if you found yourselves working
as a team in order to diminish the influence
of Conflict on your relationship?
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life, your
family, the community or the world. Tom Andre
is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
(LMFT119254). The information in this column is
for educational purposes only and nothing herein
should be construed as professional advice or
the formation of a therapeutic relationship. •
Entertainment
Film Review
Rooftop Cinema Club Brings Outdoor
Screenings to El Segundo In May
By Ryan Rojas for cinemacy.com
While the COVID pandemic has disrupted
our lives and wrecked havoc across the world
this past year, it’s uplifting to start seeing
parts of the world open up once again,
with California also being the state with
the lowest COVID-affected numbers in the
whole country.
The news of re-opening is especially thrilling
for Los Angeles movie-lovers, who, after
more than a year of streaming movies from
their living rooms, are once again able to start
experiencing films the way they were meant
to be watched: on the big screen.
While many are still processing the sad
news of the Arclight Cinemas and Pacific
Photo courtesy, Rooftop Cinema Club.
Theaters’ closures (including myself), South
Bay movie-lovers have a new reason to celebrate,
as Rooftop Cinema Club is bringing
their outdoor movie screening series to El
Segundo for the month of May.
Starting tonight, May 6th and running
through the end of May, LA and South Bay
movie-lovers (ages 18+) will be able to experience
the “ultimate outdoor air experience”
with an amazing offering of popular, classic
and cult films projected on a rooftop setting
while being provided personal headphones
and deck chairs (you’ll need to bring your
own cozy blankets, which is highly recommended
for any rooftop breeze).
Typically held in downtown Los Angeles
(along with other major cities like New York,
Houston, San Diego and even London), Rooftop
Cinema Club is moving their residence
to El Segundo’s Smoky Hollows District this
month, and South Bay movie-lovers should
be thrilled to hear it.
With the lineup of amazing movies, you
won’t be able to go wrong with any film you
wish to see in this rooftop setting. Maybe
you want to head to tonight’s films and catch
Selena or Dazed and Confused? Or just think
about watching La La Land under the actual
Los Angeles stars. The offerings range even
further, from family films like The Goonies to
The Princess Bride, hood films from Friday
to Boyz N The Hood, and comedies from
Anchorman to Superbad (El Segundo locals
may want to check out the latter to catch the
city’s many famed high school shots). The
list goes on with classic, horror and even
more special-event films to see.
Of course, maintaining safety is the most
important part of being able to hold these
social screenings. As Rooftop Cinema Club
says: “Our number one priority is our guests’
and team’s safety and wellbeing, which is
why we have adapted our operations on
the Rooftop.” So be sure to review the new
safety measures and rules for guests before
booking a screening at rftp.cc/rooftopsafety.
If you decide to experience any of these
truly unique social cinema events (and I’m
hoping that you do), be sure to arrive early to
enjoy delicious food from The Urban Oven,
as well as a drink (full bar complete with
craft cocktails, beer and wine) at sunset with
the mountains as your backdrop. Select your
socially distanced seats and snack on classic
cinema concessions like popcorn and candy
El Segundo Herald* • Hawthorne Press Tribune*
Inglewood Daily News* • Lawndale News*
EL SEGUNDO OFFICE • 531 MAIN ST, # 1160 • El Segundo • CA • 90245
Ad Sales / Legal Notices / Marketing: (310) 322-1830
Classifieds / Real Estate: (310) 322-1831 • www.heraldpublications.com
Staff and Departments
Editor-in-Chief: Heidi Maerker
Classifieds: Clara Nilles • class@heraldpublications.com
DBA: Debbie Waite • dba@heraldpublications.com • For Fictitious Business Name (DBAs) filings
Display Ad Sales: Debbie Waite • marketing@heraldpublications.com
Production: Michael Gonzales • ads@heraldpublications.com
Legals: Debbie Waite • legalnotices@heraldpublications.com
For legal notices, name changes, obituaries
Letters to the Editor: letters@heraldpublications.com
Marketing: Debbie Waite • marketing@heraldpublications.com
Real Estate: Clara Nilles • graphics@heraldpublications.com • For new realtors, contracts, ads
General Inquires: web@heraldpublications.com • For general questions or announcements
Our website can no longer take inquires or emails
* Our newspapers are adjudicated of general circulation accordance with the laws of California. El Segundo Herald, Case Number 372819;
Hawthorne Press Tribune, Case Number 187530; Inglewood Daily News, Case Number 601550; Lawndale Tribune, Case Number 479346.
Your Neighborhood Therapist
Classifieds
The deadline for Classified Ad submission and payment is Noon on Tuesday to appear in Thursday’s paper. Advertisements must be
submitted in writing by mail, fax or email. You may pay by cash, check, or credit card (Visa or M/C over the phone).
Errors: Please check your advertisements immediately. Any corrections and/or changes in an ad must be requested prior to the following
Tuesday deadline in order to receive a credit. A credit will be issued for only the first time the error appears. Multiple runs will only
be credited for the first time the error appears. No credit will be issued for an amount greater than the cost of the advertisement.
Beware: Employment offers that suggest guaranteed out-of-state or overseas positions may be deceptive or unethical in nature. If
you have any doubts about the nature of a company, contact the local office of the Better Business Bureau, (213) 251-9696. Herald
Publications does not guarantee that the advertiser’s claims are true nor does it take responsibility for those claims.
Employment
Mult IT jobs. All req. travel/reloc:
(JC7) Dir.– Secty Softwr Engring - BS/
equiv & 5 yrs exp incl. Sun ID Mgr,
CA (ID Mgr, Sitemindr, Dirctory, Secure
Proxy Srvr), Okta, Ping, SunOne
Dirctory, LDAP, MS SQL DB, My SQL
DB, Azure AD, Oracle EBS, Tomcat,
Apache, WebLogc, WIN IIS, Vercode,
SAML, SPML, Single Sign On,
Fedration, JDBC & LDAP protcol, x509
Cert, OpenID, OAuth, WIN Kerbros,
JIRA, Visio, Clearcase, MS Proj,
Sharpoint, WAF, NAT, DNS, geoload
balancr, Disastr Recov, VPN tunnel,
Java, XML, JavaScrpt, SQL and HTML.
(JC8) Sr. Secty Eng- MS/equiv & 1
yr IT exp incl. Java, JavaScrpt, C++,
C, C#, .NET Framewrk, AngularJS,
jQuery, Git, PERL, Bash, Python,
Smalltalk, Servlts, Struts, Eclipse,
JSP, Velocity, ASP.NET, WebSphr, &
Hibrnate. Send résumé w/ JC# to
Saviynt, Inc.,1301 E El Segundo Blvd.,
Ste D, El Segundo, CA 90245
For Rent
3 Bedrooms, 2 Baths, Upper,
Appliances, Immaculate, 2 miles
from LMU. Rent $3,200 negotiable.
Available May 16th. 310.365.1481
or 310.641.2148.
Wanted
WANTED. Vinyl, records, vinyl,
anything musical. Collectibles/
antiques. Typewriters, sewing
machines, military, silver, Japan,
records, stamps, coins, jewelry,
Chinese, ANYTHING. Buy/Sell/Trade.
We sell for you on EBAY. Studio
Antiques, El Segundo. 310.322.3895.
To appear in next week’s paper, submit
your Classifed Ad by Noon on Tuesday.
Late Ads will incur a $20.00 late fee.
Reach
thousands
of viewers
YOUR AD
HERE
Classified Ads
only $40
for twenty words or less.
Email class@heraldpublications.com
or call 310-322-1830
for more information.
See Film Review, page 5
Celebrate Mom on May 9
From All of Us at Herald Publications