Page 2 March 25, 2021
Your Neighborhood Therapist Entertainment
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Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
I have been a perfectionist my whole life.
It has always been a struggle for me but I
have been able to handle it. Now I feel like
it is too much and I want to let go of it. Is
there anything I can do? It feels like I would
have to change my personality, and I’m not
sure I can do that, or want to do that.
– Perfectly Miserable, El Segundo
Dear Perfectly Miserable,
We celebrate perfect - in sports, like gymnastics
and baseball - but also countless other
aspects of our lives. Pundits breathlessly hail
a “perfect” speech and Instagram lights up at
a meal “perfectly” prepared. The list goes on.
We are a perfection-loving society.
No wonder you’re feeling miserable: while
we celebrate “perfection,” we are also quick
to jump on mistakes. In the same way that it
is so much easier to tear something down than
it is to build it up, it is much easier to notice
flaws than it is to appreciate the effort and
skill that goes into any creation, perfect or not.
I have a few questions and thought experiments
that should get you started in considering
your next steps.
First, what is perfectionism, to you? When
I think about what we commonly consider to
be “perfectionism,” I imagine a wide range
of possible definitions, for example: a strong
dedication to doing the best possible work in a
particular craft; feeling intense anxiety because
everything you do will harshly scrutinized and
judged by others; a sense of knowing what
good work is, and that you could always do
just a little bit better. But that’s me. When you
think about perfectionism as it applies to your
life, how would you define it?
Next, what if you think about perfectionism
as something - or better yet, someone - you
live with, rather than who you are? If you have
lived with perfectionism your whole life, it does
not seem reasonable to expect that such an old
acquaintance will go easily into the night; nor do
I think that the total extinction of perfectionism
should necessarily be your goal. Is it possible
that Perfectionism - let’s go ahead and give
him a capital P for a proper name - has been
beneficial to you in some ways?
More importantly, how would you describe
the voices of Perfectionism? Who are these
voices and what supports them? We already
mentioned the voices of Perfectionism we
are all exposed to when we participate in
society. Is Perfectionism’s voice also (I am
using the metaphor of a voice but you may
prefer a different one) that of an unreasonably
demanding parent or teacher or authority
figure? Perhaps it is the voice of a friend, or
partner, or a childhood bully. The old “know
your enemies” adage applies: the better you
know the problem, the more effectively you
will be able to confront it.
This is not easy, but once you start the process
of scrutinizing Perfectionism - turning the
tables, you might say - the paths forward may
very well begin to reveal themselves.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world.
Tom Andre is a Licensed Marriage & Family
Therapist (LMFT119254). The information
in this column is for educational purposes
only and nothing herein should be construed
as professional advice or the formation of a
therapeutic relationship. •
In Dancing With the Devil, Demi Lovato
Reinvents Herself as a Confident, Queer Woman
Morgan Rojas for cinemacy.com
If the opening night showcase film at this
year’s SXSW film festival set out to prove
anything, it’s that sharing our struggles with
strangers can be a cathartic and positivelyaffirming
experience. When you’re former
Disney star/recovering addict/and newly
“out” artist Demi Lovato, it can also be quite
vulnerable and scary.
Drawing comparisons to the recent New
York Times-produced documentary Framing
Britney, which revealed a troubling, unacknowledged
history of one of the world’s
most famous pop stars (Britney Spears),
Demi Lovato’s own story–Dancing with the
Devil, now streaming on YouTube–sounds
hauntingly similar.
Demi’s catapult to stardom first launched
as a child in Barney & Friends, then Disney
Channel, and quickly led to deep-rooted insecurities,
teenage rebellion, and addictions
of many kinds. Demi candidly talks about
her eating disorders, losing her virginity as a
teenager in a sexual assault, and her tumultuous
relationship with drugs and alcohol; it’s the
last topic that is covered most in-depth, and
serves as the genesis behind making this film.
Dancing with the Devil shows that this
wasn’t Demi’s first attempt at shooting a
documentary to show her struggles. In fact,
the initial shoot shut down in 2018 after Demi
suffered a near-fatal overdose in which, as
she reveals now in the doc, she was mere
minutes away from dying. Removing herself
from the public eye for a few years to recharge
and reset (as well as rest her voice),
Demi attributes 2020’s forced quarantine
with her family and ex-fiancé to keeping her
alive. For many, 2020 was a brutal year; but
as her family and close friends share in the
film, it was the best thing that could have
happened to Demi.
Directed by Michael D. Ratner, Dancing
with the Devil joins the ranks of other docs
made by former young pop culture icons
who want to tell (and own) their stories,
including Justin Bieber: Seasons and This
is Paris. While Dancing with the Devil is
itself, an engaging work, it feels as though
its purpose is a thinly veiled beg for forgiveness
from her peers and fans. I don’t feel like
it’s my place to judge someone’s past and
their explanation as to why they did certain
things, but the audience’s only requirement
here is to sit and listen. Demi’s hope is that
we allow her the chance for a fresh start,
and this is her explanation as to why she
deserves one.
So, the big question: is the struggle over
for Demi Lovato? The film doesn’t leave
us with a confident answer either way, but
one thing it hammers home is that the Demi
who is going to reemerge in 2021 is not the
same woman we’ve seen before. This new
woman has the power to come out on top,
and we should all be rooting for her muchdeserved
comeback. •
Dancing With the Devil, courtesy of YouTube Originals.
Morgan Rojas
Finance
How The 5G Economy Will
Boost Jobs - And The Economy
(BPT) - While the nation struggles with
the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic,
the economy has taken a serious hit. At the
same time, technological advances continue,
including the rollout of multiple nationwide
5G networks. And this advance will be the
catalyst for an economic surge - along with
huge job growth in key industries.
With every technological advancement comes
a burst of innovation that can’t always be anticipated.
For example, the leap to 4G led to
innovations like ridesharing, music streaming
and contactless payments. Some aspects of
the 4G move helped spur the U.S. economy
to recovery after the 2008 recession. Just as
with 4G, every innovation arising from 5G
technology may be hard to anticipate.
But it is possible to predict many changes
that will come with the 5G Economy, as some
are already in the works. And the impact will
be huge.
Research by Boston Consulting Group and
CTIA revealed that the 5G Economy will contribute
about $1.5 trillion to U.S. GDP, creating
about 4.5 million jobs in the next decade.
“Our analysis shows that the 5G Economy’s
impact will be broad and deep, unlocking significant
benefits across the U.S.,” said Enrique
Duarte Melo, a BCG managing director and
senior partner and lead author of this report. “The
GDP growth and job creation that America’s
5G networks are beginning to unlock will be
instrumental in jump-starting the country’s
economic recovery.”
Their research also shows how and where
some of those contributions will appear - and
are already beginning. According to the study,
the three key industries that will benefit directly
from the 5G transformation are:
1) Information services - This sector will
see 205,000 new jobs and contribute $217
See Finance, page 4
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