Page 4 August 2, 2012 MANHATTAN BEACH SUN One Man’s Opinion Political Penguin Bygerry Chong was killed by drug smugglers in Opera- Byduane Plank commented that if someone really, really Juan Carlos, my talking neighborhood cat tion Fast and Furious had been ordered to Nothing really political about the senseless wanted to kill the President and had no who insists he’s a relative of the Spanish fire bean bags against the druggies. They massacre that took place a couple of weeks thoughts about getting away with the murder, king, and I sat down to share a Hawaiian responded with AK-47s, so Agent Terry ago in Aurora, Colorado, at the local movie that the Secret Service, with all their talent, sunset and mai tais, complete with little became history. An embarrassed Obama theatre where a deranged nutcase decided all of their diligence and all of their tools, umbrellas. We both exhaled contented Administration has exercised its right of to gun down as many innocent, wide-eyed would be helpless to stop a determined, “ahhhhs,” stripped down to swim shorts, Executive Privilege to remove its excuses moviegoers as he could at the first evening deranged assassin. and kicked off our flip flops. (Of course from public view.” screening of the much ballyhooed flick The Unfortunately, he proved prescient in his mine were bigger than his, but he had Not wanting to neglect its legal obli- Dark Knight Rises. thoughts. four of them.) gations, but refusing to seal the border, Nothing political there, unless you count BTW, the Kid had attended the midnight As he pulled down his aviator shades, he Homeland Security has taken to posting the fact of the hue and cry that emanated showing of The Dark Knight Rises and was said, “The thing I like about Americans signs in Arizona that say: from one moronic journalist, ABC News lefty still awake in the mansion when I prepared is their sense of humor in the face DANGER- Public Warning- Travel Brian Ross, who a scant few hours after the to shove off for work around 5:30 a.m. that of pending disaster. Someone said Not Recommended bloodshed and bullets flew in Aurora, went fateful morning. He said that I should turn reelecting Obama is like the Ti- Active Drug and Human Traf- on the air and linked the murderous mad- on CNN--that there had been terrible shoot- tanic hitting the iceberg, backing ficking Area man to the right wing Tea Party movement. ings in Colorado. up and ramming it again. Now Visitors May Encounter Apparently, the slipshod journalist Ross I did as advised and said a little thankful that’s funny.” Armed Criminals had played the lazy man’s game and prayer. As I am sure a lot of parents did on “What else amuses you,” Smuggling Vehicles Travel- Googled the murderer’s name. And one of that feckless Friday. I asked. “Well…” he said. ling at High Rate of Speed the matches that came up on his personal Okay, so on to some good news…pick “When Michelle and the Stay Away From Trash, device associated someone with a similar up the pace a bit. Good news for President Queen of Qatar shut down Clothing, Backpacks and name to the Tea partiers. Obama, who fully expects to win the Great Madison Avenue in New York Abandoned Vehicles Course the information was bogus, as Bankrupt State of California in the general and she went on a $50,000 un- The BLM Encourages Visi- was the Ross report. But it just goes to election that is now about three months derwear shopping spree at Agent tors to Use Public Lands North show you that when some members of the away. And California is quite a plum in the Provocateur, the store that advertises of Highway 8 media have a political agenda that they electoral scheme of things, what with a itself as selling the world’s most erotic “Now you gotta admit that a sign telling try to further, they will do darn near mere 55 votes up for grabs. For those underwear...and she did that in the shad- Americans to vacate areas of our country anything to discredit the other side. To new to the game, the way you win ows of Occupy Wall Street (OWS), which is not as good as a fence to keep the bad heck with the facts, to heck with the the presidency isn’t to amass the protested greed and avarice, I thought that guys out, but it’s better than nothing,” said fact that this incredibly sad massacre most popular votes, but to garner was funny.” Could you see Barbara Bush my belly-laughing cat. of innocents doesn’t seem to have a majority of the electoral votes. or, God forbid, Mamie Eisenhower in their “This is all tragic. Point out something much connection to any political President Obama or Mitt skimpy undies? Let ‘em eat cake, I say.” funny,” I demanded. party. More the work of a “The Glove” Romney will “Oh,” I said, “You’re really on a roll. “Okay, Okay, how about this one? While despicable dirt-bag who win the presidency if What about something of substance”? conventional fuel for aircraft and ships would have done the they are able to pick “Well, Okay,” says he. “Today the Chi- costs about $3 per gallon, the Department world a big favor if up 270 of the avail- nese announced an agreement to purchase of Defense is requiring the Navy to spend he had just swallowed able 538 votes. So for $15 billion Nexen, the Canadian oil $26 and the Air Force to spend $59 per 100 Vicodin or pointed the 55 that we have company. If approved by the Canadian gallon in order to burn bio fuels. All this a gun at his own temple and pulled here in Cali amount government, it will give China access to while the defense budget is gutted by 25 the trigger and spared the innocent to a nice chunk of change for oil in the Gulf of Mexico, the Alberta oil percent due to the budget agreement be- people he slaughtered. either candidate. sands, the North Sea and Africa. China tween Obama and the Congress reached And it is not just the lefties in the Now the reigning POTUS will also acquire the technology for deep last summer. Soon sailors will be shovel- media who are guilty of a biased picked up the 55 in 2008, water drilling and solid rock (fracking) ing corn cobs into fire pits. Ha ha ha. The rush to judgment. Happens on both easily outpointing Republican drilling. Meanwhile, here in the U.S. we visual of that is too cool. Tote that barge, sides of the political spectrum. Sad, but rival John McCain, 61 percent to 37. have denied the Canadian oil pipeline and lift that bale…” true. The rush to be first in this immediate And back in 2004, the Demo man without propose wind energy. So we can collectively Getting angry now, I said, “None of this notification era trumps being right. Seems it a chance, easterner John Kerry, actually puff our cheeks to make the blades move is funny,” so the cat raised his shades and is more important to be the first one out there crushed the incumbent President Bush, 54-44. or buy oil from China.” said, “You’ve lost your sense of humor, so than be accurate, even if the Bolshoi that So Romney obviously has his work cut “Okay, okay, that’s scary, but what’s I’ll try one last time. Remember last week, is thrown against the wall is rife with half- out for him in Cali. Unless he and his op- funny?” I asked. the President eliminated the need to seek truths, gossip, innuendo, or worse, Internet eratives have already thrown in the towel, “Well,” he continues, “the Department work as a requirement for receiving welfare? palaver. And even if you are dead wrong. preferring to spend their time and money in of Homeland Security has issued direc- Well, here’s the good part: Since recipients Sometimes, catastrophically grotesque so-called swing states where the Republican tive ‘IS-907-Active Shooter’ directing won’t have to look for work, they will no acts like the Aurora massacre just happen. challenger may have a better chance to derail Customs and Border Patrol Agents to first longer be counted as unemployed, so the People who are strung way too tight snap the Obama Express. hide if they run across dangerous illegals. rate of unemployment will fall, just in and embark on the unfathomable. And the Nationwide, the latest Gallup poll has If they cannot hide, then they are to run. time for the election. Wonder which genius reality of it is, this type of carnage will hap- the incumbent with a scant one percent But finally, if they are trapped, they may thought that one up? Now you gotta admit pen again. You can count on it. Because if a lead over Romney, 46-45. In California, use deadly force--but if they do, they will that’s both clever and funny.” deranged loon really wants to kill innocents the numbers portend a rather easy vic- be subject to investigative action by the Mumbling in my mai tai and my face red- and cares not for his or her own safety, then tory for the incumbent Prez with Obama Agency and could end up in big trouble. dening, I don’t know if I’m embarrassed for how can he or she be stopped? We can’t holding a comfortable double-digit lead As you know, Agent Brian Terry who our country or got too much sun. • make America a lockdown country, can over Romney. we? Assume that the next time you go to a And the good news for the President, DUAL & QUAD CORE movie and pay the outrageous ransom that California-wise, is that recent reports have COMPUTERS of amusement and penny-ante popcorn, you nation in job growth. ‘Bout time we leadtrumpeted the fact that California leads thethey currently charge for a couple of hours FROM $485 may have to duck under a metal detector, the nation in something, other than gouging with3 YEAR WARRANTY! give the illusion--and it is only an illusion--of parents for more Benjamins when the youngour college-age kids and their beleagueredor some other high-tech apparatus that will Fast, Dependable PC Repairs safety in the sanctuary of a movie theatre. scholars attempt to attend a school in the and Upgrades from our Believe it was President John Fitzgerald state in which they actually live--in which Kennedy, foreshadowing his own assas- their parents continue to pay some pretty Certified Technicians sination in Dallas back in 1963, who had hefty taxes. • Celebrating our 29th year In Business! 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Manhattan 8.2.12
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