Page 2 November 25, 2021
Your Neighborhood Therapist Entertainment
Film Review
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Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
I feel like I am grateful for the things I
have, but I still feel guilty about wanting
more. And I do want more. I have tried to
do a better job of practicing gratitude, but
everything I try doesn’t seem to be working.
I know there are so many people having a
hard time out there, and I am worried that
I will come off as insensitive, or unfairly
ambitious. I feel worse when I try to change
the way I feel and can’t do it, like there is
something deeply wrong with me. Any ideas?
– Ungrateful? - El Segundo
Dear Ungrateful:
Have you tried eating at restaurants with
the word “Gratitude” in their names? How
about buying products with clever phrases
about gratitude stamped on them? Have you
meditated on it? Do you have a gratitude
journal and a gratitude mantra hanging over
your bed and another one in your kitchen? Try
doing all that first. If it doesn’t work, read on.
I kid, of course, but for a reason. It is
indeed gratitude season, and gratitude is
an industry, and if it helps then I am here
to officially tell you that you don’t have to
practice gratitude if you don’t want to.
Consider who benefits most from the social
norm that we should be thankful for what
we have and not want more: anyone who
benefits from the status quo. You mentioned
you are concerned about inequality, and that
seems like a pretty unfair message for those
people who live at the bottom of a society
where inequality is at record levels.
If you’re worried that you don’t feel grateful
enough, the best way to feel truly grateful
is to first experience what it’s like not to
have comforts and luxuries for a period of
time. Are you to spend some time living on
society’s minimums in wages, healthcare,
transportation, housing? Are you prepared
to give away your material possessions until
others have nearly as much as you do?
Instead of worrying about practicing
gratitude, try making it a point to practice
decency (I don’t mean to imply that you
don’t do this!). The best way to practice
decency is to treat everyone with dignity
and respect, always.
That’s not as easy as it’s supposed to be.
We all have our tribes, and as such we tend
to think of others as a little bit less than
members of our tribe. Yes, in our minds
we all dehumanize others to one degree or
another. But that doesn’t mean we have to
treat people as if they are inferior to us.
Even if you tell yourself it’s ok for others
to have less because - insert your reason here
- you don’t have to act like you feel that way.
Look people in the eye. Thank them even
when you are paying them to do a service
for you. Ask what they would like and take
their word for it. Choose to accept their
sincerity even if it sounds ridiculous to you.
It is easier to practice gratitude than it is
to help others, and I suspect that nagging
feeling you have speaks to your understanding
and dissatisfaction with that reality. So
treat the problem, not the symptom: find a
way to help people who need it. If you do,
I suspect you won’t find yourself worrying
so much about being sufficiently grateful.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world.
Tom Andre is a Licensed Marriage & Family
Therapist (LMFT119254). The information
in this column is for educational purposes
only and nothing herein should be construed
as professional advice or the formation of a
therapeutic relationship. •
In C’mon C’mon, Joaquin Phoenix
Sees Life Through a Child’s Eyes
By Morgan Rojas for Cinemacy
Watching a Mike Mills film is always a
very intimate experience because he draws
inspiration from his own life. Beginners was
for his dad, 20th Century Women was for his
mom, and his new film, C’mon C’mon, is for
his kid. Acting as a time capsule of childhood
innocence, viewed from the perspective of the
young at heart, C’mon C’mon is an earnest
and delicate relationship drama that reflects
on the importance of human connection.
Johnny (Joaquin Phoenix) is a middle-aged,
single man who is consumed with his job as
a field radio journalist in NYC. His current
project is interviewing young people about
their candid thoughts on the future. His ability
to connect with these kids is a foreshadowing
of what the universe has in store for him next.
Johnny has a semi-estranged relationship
with his sister, Viv (Gaby Hoffmann), so it’s
a little surprising that she calls him asking
for a favor. Viv is desperate for him to watch
her young son Jesse (Woody Norman) for
the few days she will be gone. Hesitant at
first, Johnny sees this as an opportunity to
re-connect with the nephew he barely knows.
What becomes revealed as Johnny and Jesse
spend time together is the epiphany that,
despite being generations apart, they are
actually more alike than they know.
In addition to being a touching tribute to
his own nuclear family, C’mon C’mon is an
ode to the overall challenges of parenting in
the 21st Century. It’s easy to see the Mills’
school of thought here – the uncertainty and
amazement of raising a human being while
you yourself are still figuring out how to
co-exist in the world.
Joaquin Phoenix gives a phenomenal performance
as Johnny (a man who Mills admits
is partly based on himself). Phoenix’s organic
embodiment of the character and emotional
translucency is on full display. British-born
Woody Norman is the film’s biggest revelation;
with his mop of messy hair, charming
doe-eyes, and precocious sensibilities, his
ability to hold his own against a Hollywood
heavyweight like Phoenix is not only admirable
but downright amazing.
Shot by cinematographer Robbie Ryan (The
Favourite, American Honey), black & white
gives C’mon C’mon an obvious “cinematic
fairytale” look that is more intentional than
simply for aesthetic purposes. Life, as well
all know, is never black or white. We live in
the grey. C’mon C’mon also lives in that grey,
tackling philosophical issues that have no clear
answer and proposing hypothetical questions
that receive varied reactions. What Johnny
and Jesse navigate throughout the course of
the film is a whole lot of greyness–and it’s
Cmon Cmon, courtesy of A24.
See Film Review, page 5
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