Hawthorne Press Tribune
Herald Publications - El Segundo, Hawthorne, Lawndale & Inglewood Community Newspapers Since 1911 - (310) 322-1830 - Vol. 63, No. 30 - July 29, 2021
The Weekly Newspaper of Hawthorne
Young Leaders Build Friendships and Gain
Professional Development Through Community Service
The Hawthorne/Lennox Retract Club got to induct a new member, Foris Huang, a former Interactor at West Torrance High and RYLA Counselor for their district. They are happy to have him with them and planned for future projects for the new Rotary year. Photo courtesy
Hawthorne/Lennox Rotaract Club.
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Your Neighborhood Therapist
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
We recently noticed it when vodka went
missing from the place where we keep it. Our
teenage son is the only one who could’ve
taken it. When we asked him about it, at first
he denied it, and then he became angry with
us when he finally admitted it. We were in
shock, and we told him we would have to
think about what the consequences would
be because this is so far beyond anything he
had ever done in the past. He’s otherwise a
very good kid and a good student who has
lots of friends (after this incident I wonder
if it is too many friends). We want to send
a message that this is totally unacceptable
and make sure that he does not do it again,
but we are torn because we wonder if he is
crying out for help and we are totally missing
it. Do you have any insight into this? Should
we ‘throw the book” at him?
– Peeved parents, El Segundo
Dear Peeved Parents,
Unfortunately, drinking and drug use
(mostly marijuana but not only marijuana)
is a significant part of teen life in the South
Bay. The reasons for this are many, and more
appropriate for discussion in a dissertation
than a newspaper column, but suffice it to
say that there is a very strong current of this
kind of behavior. But I think it is helpful to
be wary of laying responsibility entirely at
the feet of young people. As adults, we can
be both critical of kids’ actions and yet also
realize that we should regularly cast a critical
eye at the environment that surrounds young
people, as well as our roles in shaping that
environment.
If your son is both popular and stealing
alcohol from you, it sounds like he may
have been swept along into this culture of
drinking. At this point it feels like we are
bumping into yet another issue, which is the
transition to adulthood. In the United States,
we seem to use the drinking age as a proxy
for adulthood, which casts it as, “one minute
you are too young to do it, the next minute
you are old enough to do whatever you
please. Reality, of course, is much messier.
Some of us never feel like we fully grow up.
You mentioned that he is a “very good
kid.” What makes him a very good kid? Are
you able to have a conversation with him
about what led him to make the decisions
he did? Are you able to have a conversation
with him about what is happening in his life,
and specifically what pressures he may be
experiencing? As he transitions to adulthood,
are you able to articulate your own ideas
about his rights, rules and responsibilities?
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life,
your family, the community or the world.
Tom Andre is a Licensed Marriage & Family
Therapist (LMFT119254). The information
in this column is for educational purposes
only and nothing herein should be construed
as professional advice or the formation of a
therapeutic relationship. •
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