The Weekly Newspaper of Inglewood
Herald Publications - El Segundo, Hawthorne, Lawndale & Inglewood Community Newspapers Since 1911 - (310) 322-1830 - Vol. 69, No. 5 - January 30, 2020
Students Honored for Achievement in the Classroom
Exceptional students from Inglewood High, City Honors and Beulah Payne were recently honored for achievement in the classroom! Photo Inglewood Unified School District.
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Your Neighborhood
Therapist
Dear Neighborhood Therapist: My partner
is only speaking in rhyme and it is upsetting
my parents. My friend is obsessed with taxidermy
and it is embarrassing me. My child
wears a three-piece suit to middle school
and is getting bullied. What should I do? Is
this normal?
– J. Q. Public, El Segundo
Is this normal? It is a simple and common
question that usually comes from one of two
places. The first is a concern that our own
behavior or that of a loved one will invite
mistreatment, bullying, or worse. The second
is a desire to win an argument: we want our
own position to be the “normal” one, as if
normality equals morality and worthiness.
I hope you see it as good news that even if
I had some authority on what “normal” is, I
don’t think devotion to normality will solve
much, and I would never suggest pursuing
it for its own sake.
While being “normal” can certainly make
life easier, I’m not convinced that it’s something
we should aspire to. When we consider
that smoking on airplanes, not wearing seatbelts,
corporal punishment, bloodletting,
perms, and popped collars were at one point
considered “normal” by many people, it’s
a safe bet that future generations will look
back on us today and shake their heads at
much of how we live our lives.
We reserve some of our worst treatment for
young people when it comes to “normality.”
Our institutions are set up to funnel them into
silos of “acceptable” attire, interests, body
type, activities, and ways of thinking. Some
argue this helps immunize them to a harsh
world that will judge them and sanction them.
“You will be bullied if you don’t conform”
is a powerful, effective message. It’s also
easier than saying, “I will stand with you.”
Perhaps a better question than Is this
normal? would be, Is this a problem? Assess
whether it is harmful, including whether or
not it is worth the social pushback. If it is
a serious problem, then by all means work
to make a change.
But perhaps your loved one will say, “I
really love unicycling down Main Street
wearing a polka-dotted tophat on Sunday
afternoons. I know people will make fun of
me, but I can take it.”
So, what should you do? As usual, I have
questions. If it’s not harmful, and if it is worth
the social pushback, then can you stand with
them and support them? If you cannot do it,
can you help them find people who are able
to? Can we all look in the mirror and decide
whether or not we want to be enforcers of
normality or the enablers of diversity and,
just maybe, a work of genius or two?
See you next week. Send questions!
Tom Andre is an Associate Marriage &
Family Therapist (AMFT96089) supervised by
Chris Thomas (MFT78020). The information
in this column is for educational purposes
only and nothing herein should be construed
as professional advice or the formation of
a therapeutic relationship. Please write to
tom@tomandrecounseling.com or text to
310.776.5299 with questions about handling
what is affecting your life, your family, the
community or the world. •
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