Page 2 January 28, 2021 EL SEGUNDO HERALD
Your Neighborhood Obituaries Therapist
The Jewelry Source
337 Main St. El Segundo. 310-322-7110
www.jewelrysourceUSA.com
©2007
Love Thy Neighbor
Dear El Segundoans,
The Herald staff and I only know so many El Segundoans,
but we want to learn about more of you. With 8,000
residents, we’re sure there are some gems we may have
overlooked or not been aware of them. Do you have an
interesting friend, neighbor or student? With most of El
Segundo sports and events on hold, we are looking to do
more El Segundo residents’ profiles. All you have to do
is ask their permission and send us
their contact information. Of course,
if you find yourself fascinating, send
us your information too.
– Best to you all. HM.
Send your suggestions in
to letters@heraldpublications.com
Please have your nominee’s approval before you submit them as a nominee.
Community Briefs
A Blast from the Past
Contributed by Tim Wheeler
As former ES resident who grew up in
town (1958-1987, ESHS c/o 1975). I grew
up a half block from Acacia Park and its
pool. When I learned of the pool’s pending
demise, I was at first saddened then came
to the understanding that the remodel of the
park is the right thing to do.
When I learned of the actual demo date,
I started posting on Facebook and a lot of
people responded with their memories so I
decided to quickly form an unofficial group
called The OAPers, which stands for Original
Acacia Parkers.
On the 20th, I drove down from Bakersfield
and met up with three OAPers and we
spent time reminiscing and even played a
final game of wiffle ball, one of just a few
games we all played at the park when we
were kids. •
The OAPers: (From left to right) Jason Allen, Tim Wheeler, Wayne Cousins and John Robison.
Dear Neighborhood Therapist,
I have a reputation for being competent and
successful, and I live in fear of jeopardizing this
image, but I feel like I am not living the way I
want to live in so many ways. There is so much
I want to do and say, but I am afraid to put my
ideas out into the world because I fear I will
look like a fool. I have been told many times that
“all you have is your reputation.” I believe that,
and I guard my reputation like gold. But fear of
public failure and shame has made me afraid to
apply for jobs, ask someone out on a date, or
compete for anything at all, because I feel like
I am supposed to be successful in everything I
attempt. It has made me unable to “put myself
out there” in part because this is a small community
and I don’t want it to seem like everything
in my life isn’t perfect. I know nobody’s life is
perfect, but I am terrified of seeming desperate
or being pitied. How can I handle this?
– Fear of Failing, El Segundo
Dear Fear of Failing,
If I could give one gift to everyone, it would
be the gift of not giving a hoot about what
others think regarding the vast majority of
their activities and lifestyle choices.
Of course it’s not so easy, but there is good
news: I promise you, you’re not that special. I
mean that in the best possible way.
Most people don’t care about who we are
or what we do nearly as much as we think. It
may feel like our failures and shortcomings are
spotlighted on a public stage, especially when
we live in a small community and we feel like
we “know everybody.” But unless you have
been uniquely horrible in some way - and let’s
assume you’re wonderful! - most people are
not going to think that much about you, even
if you are the “Mayor” of your neighborhood,
friend group, or community.
Imagine someone who you believe to be
genuinely humble and kind and also perfect
at everything. Now imagine that this person
had tried and failed to do something that was
really important to them. Is there any chance
you would think, “Wow, that person is a loser
and a failure” instead of, “Wow, I thought they
were perfect, but of course nobody is perfect
at everything?” Isn’t there also a chance you
wouldn’t think about it very much at all?
If you lived in a place where you didn’t
know anybody - where you did not have any
reputation whatsoever, and thus no goodwill
to lose - would you go ahead with the ideas
and actions you are now considering? If the
answer is no, then I suspect you’re having
second thoughts about the actions themselves,
and it’s probably wise to reconsider.
But if the answer is yes, then your next job
is to answer a few key questions. First: who,
specifically (name names), might change their
mind about you? Second: is the risk unacceptably
high to you that they might change their
mind about you in a way that damages your
relationship? Third, if they did change their
mind about you in the most negative way
possible, what are the consequences of this?
Most importantly: are these consequences
worse than certainly missing out on whatever
it is you are contemplating?
“Putting yourself out there” is not going
to be easy or feel comfortable at first, but I
suspect that if you try it, the world will not
collapse around you. You are certainly not
alone in feeling this way. if we would all give
ourselves and each other more permission to be
imperfect, our collective mental health would
improve dramatically.
Please write to tom@tomandrecounseling.
com or text to 310.776.5299 with questions
about handling what is affecting your life, your
family, the community or the world. Tom Andre
is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
(LMFT119254). The information in this column
is for educational purposes only and nothing
herein should be construed as professional advice
or the formation of a therapeutic relationship. •
Daniel David Peebles
Long time resident and friend,
Daniel David Peebles, passed
away January 21, 2021 due to
complications from a fall. You
may have known him as Dan,
Danny, Dave or even Mr. Peebs.
He was loved by many.
Dan is survived by his wife
Jan (Pickard), children Danny,
Dave, and Megan, grandchildren
Jake, Jenny and Rachel, and great
grandson Michael. No services are
pending at this time due to the
pandemic. Keep him in your heart
and prayers. He will be missed. •