TORRANCE TRIBUNE August 2, 2012 Page 5 One Man’s Opinion Political Penguin By Gerry Chong Agent Brian Terry who was killed by drug By Duane Plank Sometimes, catastrophically grotesque acts Juan Carlos, my talking neighborhood cat smugglers in Operation Fast and Furious Nothing really political about the senseless like the Aurora massacre just happen. People who insists he’s a relative of the Spanish had been ordered to fire bean bags against massacre that took place a couple of weeks who are strung way too tight snap and embark king, and I sat down to share a Hawaiian the druggies. They responded with AK- ago in Aurora, Colorado, at the local movie on the unfathomable. And the reality of it is, sunset and mai tais, complete with little 47s, so Agent Terry became history. An theatre where a deranged nutcase decided this type of carnage will happen again. You umbrellas. We both exhaled contented embarrassed Obama Administration has to gun down as many innocent, wide-eyed can count on it. Because if a deranged loon “ahhhhs,” stripped down to swim shorts, exercised its right of Executive Privilege moviegoers as he could at the first evening really wants to kill innocents and cares not and kicked off our flip flops. (Of course to remove its excuses from public view.” screening of the much ballyhooed flick The for his or her own safety, then how can he mine were bigger than his, but he had Not wanting to neglect its legal obli- Dark Knight Rises. or she be stopped? We can’t make America four of them.) gations, but refusing to seal the border, Nothing political there, unless you count a lockdown country, can we? Assume that As he pulled down his aviator shades, Homeland Security has taken to posting the fact of the hue and cry that emanated the next time you go to a movie and pay he said, “The thing I like about Ameri- signs in Arizona that say: from one moronic journalist, ABC News lefty the outrageous ransom that they currently cans is their sense of humor in the DANGER- Public Warning- Travel Not Brian Ross, who a scant few hours after the charge for a couple of hours of amusement face of pending disaster. Someone Recommended bloodshed and bullets flew in Aurora, went and penny-ante popcorn, you may have to said reelecting Obama is like the Active Drug and Human Traffick- on the air and linked the murderous mad- duck under a metal detector, or some other Titanic hitting the iceberg, back- ing Area man to the right wing Tea Party movement. high-tech apparatus that will give the illusion- ing up and ramming it again. Now Visitors May Encounter Armed Apparently, the slipshod journalist Ross had -and it is only an illusion--of safety in the that’s funny.” Criminals played the lazy man’s game and Googled the sanctuary of a movie theatre. “What else amuses you,” Smuggling Vehicles Travelling murderer’s name. And one of the matches Believe it was President John Fitzgerald I asked. “Well…” he said. at High Rate of Speed that came up on his personal device associ- Kennedy, foreshadowing his own assassination “When Michelle and the Stay Away From Trash, Cloth- ated someone with a similar name to the in Dallas back in 1963, who had commented Queen of Qatar shut down ing, Backpacks and Abandoned Tea partiers. that if someone really, really wanted to kill the Madison Avenue in New York and Vehicles Course the information was bogus, as was President and had no thoughts about getting she went on a $50,000 underwear The BLM Encourages Visitors to the Ross report. But it just goes to show you away with the murder, that the Secret Service, shopping spree at Agent Provocateur, the Use Public Lands North of Highway 8 that when some members of the media have with all their talent, all of their diligence and store that advertises itself as selling the “Now you gotta admit that a sign telling a political agenda that they try to further, they all of their tools, would be helpless to stop world’s most erotic underwear...and she Americans to vacate areas of our country will do darn near anything to discredit a determined, deranged assassin. did that in the shadows of Occupy Wall is not as good as a fence to keep the bad the other side. To heck with the facts, Unfortunately, he proved prescient in Street (OWS), which protested greed and guys out, but it’s better than nothing,” said to heck with the fact that this incred- his thoughts. avarice, I thought that was funny.” Could my belly-laughing cat. ibly sad massacre of innocents doesn’t BTW, the Kid had attended the mid- you see Barbara Bush or, God forbid, “This is all tragic. Point out something seem to have much connection to any night showing of The Dark Knight Mamie Eisenhower in their skimpy undies? funny,” I demanded. political party. More the work Rises and was still awake in the Let ‘em eat cake, I say.” “Okay, Okay, how about this one? While of a despicable dirt-bag who mansion when I prepared to “Oh,” I said, “You’re really on a roll. conventional fuel for aircraft and ships would have done the world shove off for work around What about something of substance”? costs about $3 per gallon, the Department a big favor if he had just 5:30 a.m. that fateful morn- “Well, Okay,” says he. “Today the Chi- of Defense is requiring the Navy to spend swallowed 100 Vicodin or pointed a ing. He said that I should turn on nese announced an agreement to purchase $26 and the Air Force to spend $59 per gun at his own temple and pulled the CNN--that there had been terrible for $15 billion Nexen, the Canadian oil gallon in order to burn bio fuels. All this trigger and spared the innocent people shootings in Colorado. company. If approved by the Canadian while the defense budget is gutted by 25 he slaughtered. I did as advised and said a little government, it will give China access to percent due to the budget agreement be- And it is not just the lefties in the media thankful prayer. As I am sure a lot of oil in the Gulf of Mexico, the Alberta oil tween Obama and the Congress reached who are guilty of a biased rush to judgment. parents did on that feckless Friday. sands, the North Sea and Africa. China last summer. Soon sailors will be shovel- Happens on both sides of the political spec- Okay, so on to some good news…pick will also acquire the technology for deep ing corn cobs into fire pits. Ha ha ha. The trum. Sad, but true. The rush to be first in up the pace a bit. Good news for President water drilling and solid rock (fracking) visual of that is too cool. Tote that barge, this immediate notification era trumps being Obama, who fully expects to win the Great drilling. Meanwhile, here in the U.S. we lift that bale…” right. Seems it is more important to be the Bankrupt State of California in the general have denied the Canadian oil pipeline and Getting angry now, I said, “None of this first one out there than be accurate, even if election that is now about three months propose wind energy. So we can collectively is funny,” so the cat raised his shades and the Bolshoi that is thrown against the wall away. And California is quite a plum in the puff our cheeks to make the blades move said, “You’ve lost your sense of humor, so is rife with half-truths, gossip, innuendo, or electoral scheme of things, what with a mere or buy oil from China.” I’ll try one last time. Remember last week, worse, Internet palaver. And even if you are 55 votes up for grabs. For those new to the “Okay, okay, that’s scary, but what’s the President eliminated the need to seek dead wrong. See Penguin, page 6 funny?” I asked. work as a requirement for receiving welfare? “Well,” he continues, “the Department Well, here’s the good part: Since recipients of Homeland Security has issued directive won’t have to look for work, they will no ‘IS-907-Active Shooter’ directing Customs longer be counted as unemployed, so the and Border Patrol Agents to first hide if rate of unemployment will fall, just in they run across dangerous illegals. If they time for the election. Wonder which genius cannot hide, then they are to run. But finally, thought that one up? Now you gotta admit if they are trapped, they may use deadly that’s both clever and funny.” force--but if they do, they will be subject Mumbling in my mai tai and my face to investigative action by the Agency and reddening, I don’t know if I’m embarrassed could end up in big trouble. As you know, for our country or got too much sun. • “It has been said that the Opening Ceremony of the Olympic Games is something that an athlete will remember for the rest of their life. It is true. That moment when you walk into the Olympic Stadium as part of the Australian Olympic Team, is a moment that I will never forget.”— Jeff Fenech (Australian boxer)
Torrrance 8.2.12
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