TORRANCE TRIBUNE August 16, 2012 Page 5 One Man’s Opinion Political Penguin By Gerry Chong The Mad Hatter rolls on the ground By Duane plank into his phone, bellowing, “When does the Writer’s note: One of the most entertaining laughing and points out illegal aliens pay You can’t put the toothpaste back in the Republican Convention start?” but technically challenging schools of writing lower college tuition than American citizens tube, right? Once that minty stuff escapes the I was amazed. Did not know that you could is sometimes referred to as “nonsense” from other states! That which is illegal cylinder, there ain’t no do-overs. So I admit yell at a phone and the phone would answer writing. Often an innocent heroine is thrown is now legal, and that which is wrong is to being a bit of a dinosaur when it comes back, so help me, Steve Jobs. Awesome. By from her comfort zone into one that is made right. to technology. And we aren’t going back the time the tapping guy could answer, after hallucinogenic--filled with bizarre characters Up jumps the March Hare with his newest to my heyday, are we? Very, very satisfied checking some website, the other guy had expressing non sequitur opinions. Two of riddle: “When is progress not progress?” to be able to use my cheapo cell phone to already replied that the convention starts the most successful stories of this genre are Giggling, he responds, “When the economy occasionally make a call or receive and send on August 27 and will be taking place in Alice in Wonderland and The Wizard of Oz. grows 163,000 jobs, but simultaneously very important texts to column-supporters Tampa. Which was also awesome, to have Today, in his never-ending search for 150,000 people give up searching for work. and friends. Which, most times, are one that knowledge imparted my way. Now I truth, freedom and the American way, our Since their withdrawal reduces the number and the same. knew that important info and the start date neighborhood talking cat, Juan Carlos, host of unemployed, our economy is seen as But I am chagrined at the fact that too many of the coronation for Mitt “The Glove” of The Cat in the Hat News Hour, joins thriving!” Down is up, up is down. of you seem to be so preoccupied with these Romney and schmooze-booze-fest that is with Alice, Dorothy and their friends for The Wicked Witch of the West says, gizmos that you ignore the folks with whom a national political convention circa 2012. a journey to the November election. Let’s “I’ll get you, my pretty,” referring to Janet you are actually in personal contact, whether And which, to be honest, I didn’t really care join them, shall we? Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security, it be out at a restaurant, at a ballgame, on to hear the answer to--just trying to make His Walter Winchell hat snugly tugged who testified to Congress that terrorists from the job, or even in the domicile. small talk with some fellow citizens, which down and his microphone in hand, Carlos Yemen, Iran, Sudan, Somalia and Afghanistan Why is something on that darn screen seems to be increasingly challenging in this travels the Yellow Brick Road. Suddenly, cross into the U.S. from Mexico, but we more important than sharing a convo with era of incessant, incredibly rude usage of from the shadows of a tree, he sees a huge should not be concerned because those the person you are standing or sitting next these mobile devices. smile…but no body. Says Carlos, “I have incursions only occur “from time to time.” to? Because you can? Because you bought So a couple of weeks remain before the often seen a cat without a smile, but I have With head bowed, the Cowardly Lion some outrageously priced data plan that allows Elephant Partiers gather in Florida, and never seen a smile without a cat!” With that, quietly mumbles, “We invested $82 billion in you to selfishly and incessantly check said Romney has not released his Veep selection. the Cheshire Cat leaps from the tree and GM and are still owed $30 billion. Taxpayers gizmo? To what end? Did I say selfishly? Last time I looked, there were three to five joins Carlos on his journey. Quickly they could break even when GM stock reaches Gotta opine that, in this day and age, no guys on the alleged shortlist, which could be encounter Alice and Dorothy, who exclaim $53 per share, but sadly, today it’s worth one is really impressed with you because a list derived from political media boredom that they were thrown into a Mad Tea Party less than $20. GM”s earnings are down 52 you can summon up the current temperature and burnout. After all, a couple of days prior and expelled from Kansas by a tornado, and percent from last year and more of their cars in Cupertino on your phone. Or the date of to the John McCain camp selection of Sarah now find themselves in a world gone insane. are produced in China 32 percent than the the next Barry Manilow concert in Vegas. Or “Princess” Palin four years ago, don’t think The party is full of mind-altering U.S. 30 percent. I don’t have the courage the start time for an Olympic soccer game. that she was on anyone’s shortlist. Or any mushrooms, tea cups that shrink and grow, to suggest Bain Capital could have handled Case in point. Was out and about recently, list at all. Other than a list that might have and riddles, riddles, riddles. A sign at the taxpayer money more prudently.” If only I diligently doing my poli sci research, when been compiled by a political writer with a party asks, “Would you please tell me which had the courage to speak up. I wondered what the start date of the lot of column inches to fill that might have way I ought to go?”, while responding signs Dorothy says, “In Kansas, we’re confused Republican Convention was. Just innocently been titled “Most Anonymous American say, “Up, Down. Go this way. Go that way.” by a President who sealed his history by trying to make pitter-patter chatter with the Governors.” Clearly we’re not in Kansas anymore… Executive Order, but demands that his good fellows sitting next to me, who were Anyway, I will take the safe side here and A confused Scarecrow notes: “We wage opponent be more personally transparent. typing away on their phones, ignoring me. predict that the furiously fundraising POTUS, constant war to keep the peace! Last year The House Speaker’s lie about a presidential Which happens at times, but I deal with it Mr. Obama, will nominate the current Vice we gave Iraq $200 million--a sum they candidate not having paid income taxes for and move on. But I got the attention of both President, Joe Biden, as his running mate did not request for a program they did 10 years shows Oz has become a world of the self-absorbed sitters. One intoned, “I when the Demos meet for their convention, not support. Nevertheless, we forced them without values or ethics.” Bad is good, can find that out,” and started tapping away which begins in early September, deep in to take the money because it had been good is gone. on his never-never-to-be-put-away tele. But to the heart of NASCAR country in Charlotte, budgeted. President Obama is again budgeting Alice woefully says, “I’m confused too. one-up him, the other fellow started yelling See Penguin, page 8 Iraqi aid for 2013 since it ‘maintains our As our economy struggles, our President’s commitment.’” And they say this Scarecrow goal is to more than double the cost of gas has no brain? from $4 to $10, thereby raising business’ An outraged Queen of Hearts screams, “In costs while reducing consumers’ spending our world, the successful have their wealth power. Coal produces 40 percent of our confiscated and are identified as society’s electricity, but the EPA has issued regulations villains, while the unsuccessful are rewarded taking 8.5 percent of our plants out of with ‘entitlements!’ The government spends service and precludes the construction of money we do not have to enslave our poor new plants.” Is this a sound plan for a in programs we cannot afford.” Left is right, Wonderland? right is wrong. For Alice, Dorothy and all the tea partiers, The White Rabbit muses, “Those that the signs point in every direction. Up is pay no taxes at all believe those that do down. Left is right. Right is wrong. And the pay taxes are not paying their fair share!” Yellow Brick Road has become the Road Ohhhh, this is delicious. to Perdition. • Crime from page 4 sunglasses, headphones. TORRANCE BLVD Suspect enters office Battery-Simple: 4000 BLOCK 226TH ST during construction, pries open drawer and Suspects kick and punch victim. takes property/cash. Vandalism: 3900 BLOCK 242ND ST Theft: 3400 BLOCK 227TH PL Suspect(s) Suspect kicks door, damaging same. defeats door lock and takes property/GPS/ Vandalism: 21300 BLOCK HAWTHORNE stereo unit, third row seat. BLVD Suspect(s) scratches victim’s vehicle’s paint. JULy 29 Robbery Weapon: 1600 BLOCK ACACIA Auto Theft-All: 21200 BLOCK ANZA AVE Suspects order victims to empty their AVE Stolen vehicle: ‘96 Honda Civic. pockets at gunpoint and take property/cell Burglary-Residential: 300 BLOCK phone. VIA ANITA Suspect(s) enters residence by JULy 30 unknown means and takes property/jewelry. Theft: 22500 BLOCK WARMSIDE AVE Vandalism: 3300 BLOCK AIRPORT DR Suspect(s) defeats door lock, ransacks and Suspect(s) cuts wires, disabling phone system. takes property/GPS/stereo unit, third row seat. Burglary-Residential: 3600 BLOCK Burglary-Auto: 4100 BLOCK 182ND 172ND ST Suspect(s) enters residence by ST Suspect(s) smashes window for entry, unknown means and takes property/laptop ransacks and takes property/laptop. Auto Theft-All: 18200 BLOCK ASHLEY Theft: 4600 BLOCK MILNE DR Suspect(s) AVE Stolen vehicle: ‘92 Toyota Tacoma, defeats door lock, ransacks and takes property/ Theft: 23000 BLOCK ARLINGTON AVE third row seat. Suspect(s) defeats lock and takes property/ Burglary-Commercial: 4200 BLOCK bicycle. •
Torrance 8.16.12
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