September 6, 2012 Page 3 Political Penguin One Man’s Opinion By Duane Plank she rose to applaud the comment that I am By Gerry Chong diverted the media away from the misery So did you get an opportunity to watch sure she hadn’t paid attention to at all. The battle flag hung limp from the pole, of your economy. No one else has done Mitt “The Glove” Romney give his Elephant And I liked the catchy penning that Ryan its previously vibrant blue field faded and anything this good for you, Mr. President. Party acceptance speech on the third night mouthed, courtesy, I am sure, of one of his tattered, and the red and white orb now “Speaking of the media, I got them to put of the weather-plagued Republican National speechwriters: “After four years of getting the nothing more than the perfect metaphor their fingers to their lips and go ‘ssshhhh’ so convention that took place in Tampa, Florida? runaround, America needs a turnaround. And for a setting sun. Republicans had bashed they wouldn’t report that personal incomes Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see it. Or, more the man for the job is Governor Mitt Romney.” him effectively with facts and responsible had fallen more during your economic correctly, I didn’t get to see the speech and Also liked the Ryan comment, speaking approaches to problem solving at their recovery than during the recession. opine on the virtues of Romney’s most important of businessman Romney: “Being successful convention while accusing him of personal “I got the DNC to open your convention televised commercial before the presidential in business, that’s a good thing!” self-aggrandizement. The One sat with his with a Muslim invocation. campaign kicks off in earnest. Because a couple Slight correction, Mr. Ryan. Romney head in his hands and called for his chief “Your Super PAC accused Romney of of inches of rain threatened the area a few isn’t the Governor of anything at this point. advisor. “What have you done to me?” killing Mrs. Soptic, your supporter’s wife. days before the Republican festivities were Just a rich guy running for the presidency. he wailed. Remember, Romney had left Bain Capital set to kick off and everything was set back a Nitpicking maybe. And it was nice to see Into the room slinked a figure dressed to run the Olympics in 1999. Bain had day. So the not-so-telegenic, somewhat-stilted Ryan point out his starstruck family, who had wholly in black, from his pointy-eared hat to closed a business in 2001, costing the Romney gave his speech on Thursday night. to be incredibly incredulous to be ensconced his cape and his four black shoes. Magically, woman’s husband his job. Subsequently, Was able to see the speech made by the in a favored spot at the Tampa convention, Carlos, my neighborhood talking cat, had he found another job that offered them Elephant Veep candidate before my filing basking in the post-selection limelight, much transformed himself into the sinister Alley both medical coverage, but he declined to deadline--the young and debonair Paul Ryan like the Palin clan four years ago. Cat...the new prince of darkness! cover her because of the coverage’s cost. from the cheese-head state of Wisconsin. The And finally, nothing like a little salacious “Fear not,” he said, “my plan is just starting. When she died of cancer in 2006, I made 42-year-old Congressman Ryan, the youngest political stuff to finish off another boffo column. I was the one who got the Democratic that Romney’s fault. Brilliant! vice presidential candidate in the past quarter Former North Carolina Senator Terry Sanford National Committee to depict a faux-Paul “I got Stephanie Cutter, your deputy century, extolled the virtues of Romney, saying gave notice that he was tying the marital knot Ryan pushing a wheelchair-bound granny campaign manager to publicly confess, “I’m that “our nominee is sure ready. His whole with his ex-mistress, the very lovely Argentinean off a cliff. I know your level of ethics better just going to make S%&t up about jobs.” life has prepared him for this moment.” lass Maria Belen Chapur. Sanford, who at one than anyone, so I tailored your campaign She accused Romney of being a felon and Course, I was easily confused, thinking time was considered a possible player in the to your standards. was hammered by CNN’s Anderson Cooper maybe the gadfly, ex-presidential perennial 2012 Republican presidential horserace, got “I convinced ol’ Uncle Joe to warn for misquoting the LA Times, but said, ‘It candidate Ron Paul, was the second banana his “Mitt” caught in the ringer a few years Blacks against Romney returning ‘y’all to doesn’t matter.’ In all, she has been your on the ticket. Luckily, the Kid came into the ago when it was brought to light that the chains,’ and I selected Maria Ciano to star worthy representative, sir. front wing of the mansion, glanced at the married Guv was having a cross-continental in the ad representing Republican women “Of course, your condemnation of private plasma and noted that the ancient Ron Paul affair with Ms. Belen Chapur. defecting to Obama. I knew that Maria has enterprise, saying, ‘You didn’t build that’ was not the youngster on the tube making Scandalous! Not the first time such been a Democrat for six years, but I made was brilliant. election-year promises that he can’t keep. shenanigans have occurred between very a point, right? “So you see, Mr. President, I have Paul Ryan just said something somewhat consenting adults. And so help me, Slick “Give me some credit, Mr. President. I faithfully led the ‘spitball’ campaign your interesting, I guess, but didn’t seem to strike Willie Clinton, doesn’t necessarily disqualify was the one who got Harry Reid to accuse Chicago-style ethics require, so let’s keep our a chord with the young partygoer/convention one from running for the highest office in the Romney of not paying any income taxes chins up and keep the Obamanation flag goer--a pretty blonde who first yawned big- land. Alas, the Sanford for President, 2012 for 10 years--an accusation so sensational flying!” time on camera. Then, like a Stepford wife, campaign, petered out… • it had a news cycle life of one week and Thus spake the dark genius, Alley Cat. • Police Reports Compiled by Cristian Vasquez Residential Burglary: 1700 Block of August 29 Lynngrove Dr. Unknown suspect(s) entered Attempted Vehicle Burglary: 2900 Block the victim’s house, possibly through an open The Strand. The victim witnessed two subjects front window. The suspect(s) ransacked several attempting to burglarize his vehicle. After rooms and stole an iPad, iTouch, IPod and Save 65% the Family Value Comboon calling 911 two subjects were detained and Nikon camera. 45069KRY subsequently arrested. Residential Burglary: 1800 Block of Marine 2 (5 oz.) Filet Mignons Save2 (5 oz.) Top SirloinsAve. Unknown suspect(s) entered the victim’s0194$4 (4 oz.) Omaha Steaks BurgersAugust 28 Burglary from Garage: 2900 Block The house through an open window. The suspect(s) 4 (3 oz.) Gourmet Jumbo Franks Strand. Two subject(s) stole a bicycle from ransacked several rooms and stole an iPad. 4 Boneless Chicken Breasts (1 lb. pkg.) a witness who had chased off the suspects. of N Manhattan Ave. A witness called 911 Reg. $14400 | Now Only 4999$4 Stuffed Baked PotatoesAttempted Residential Burglary: 3400 Block an open garage. The bike was recovered by August 25 to report a subject who was seen tampering Limit of 2 packages. Free Gifts to every shipping address.3 Free Gifts Vandalism: 700 Block of Manhattan Beach with a side window of the home to the rear. Off er expires 11/15/12. 4 FREE Omaha Steaks Burgers,included per shipment. Blvd. Two intoxicated subjects were walking Officers responded and detained one male Standard shipping and handling a FREE 6-Piece Cutlery Set,and a FREE Cutting Board.will be applied per address. down Manhattan Beach Blvd with their bicycles. subject who matched the description given One of the subjects hit multiple vehicles with by the witness. The subsequent investigation To order: www.OmahaSteaks.com/value21 his hand and bicycle causing damage. revealed text messages with another subject, or call 1-888-823-8043 August 24-26 who was also found in the area. Both subjects ©2012 OCG OmahaSteaks.com, Inc. 14224 Residential Burglary: 1200 Block of N. were arrested for attempted residential Manhattan Ave. Unknown suspect(s) entered burglary. the victim’s residence through an open window Theft: 400 Block of Chabela Dr. Two and stole an iPad, iPod Nano, X-Box and cell phones were stolen from the victim’s X-Box connect, four video games, assorted residence. The crime was possibly committed tools and, $2.00 in change. by a cleaning company. Vandalism: 400 Block of Rosecrans Ave. August 21-22 Unknown suspect(s) vandalized a vehicle Theft: 100 Block of 3rd St. Unknown which was parked on the street. The suspect(s) suspect(s) entered an unlocked vehicle, which smashed the front windshield, dented and was parked in the driveway and stole a GPS scratched the hood, bumper, and driver’s side. unit, headphones, IPhone charger, power August 23 converter, and $20 in miscellaneous coins. Theft: 900 Block of 27th St. Two subjects August 20 (movers) took various World War II Theft: 600 Block of S. Prospect Ave. memorabilia while helping the victim move Unknown(s) suspect stole a locked bicycle. boxes into the residence. August 19 August 21 Theft: 200 Block of S. Poinsettia Ave. Residential Burglary: 400 Block of Chabela Unknown suspect(s) entered the victim’s Dr. The victims were approached by two unlocked vehicle and stole a check located suspects. One suspect distracted the victim by in a small filing box in the back seat. asking several questions related to the victim’s Theft: 300 Block of 18th St. Unknown car in the driveway. The second suspect entered suspect(s) stole the victim’s unlocked bicycle, the residence with the intent to commit theft. which was left leaning against the side of Victims were unsure if anything was taken. the house.
Manhattan 9.6.12
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