Page 4 August 9, 2012 One Man’s Opinion Political Penguin By Gerry Chong an astounding $16.2 trillion. He projects that By Duane Plank long time ago doesn’t make me anti-American. The ever entertaining neighborhood talking under his programs, the nation’s debt will So have you wasted, or spent, much of Just someone who pays attention. cat Juan Carlos sat in my living room today, reach $25.4 trillion by 2022. (“We tried our your days or nights watching what used to But that day ain’t today, is it? We no longer beaming over the items he had dragged in plan, and it worked. That’s why I’m running be the most political event of all--the Olym- fear the Commies pointing their cannons at from a neighbor’s basement. With great excite- for a second term.” -- Barack Obama, July 25) pics? Some of the prepackaged, tape-delayed our shores. Who even knows if what is left of ment, he donned an ancient Walter Winchell RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, Congressman Buck garbage that the corporate greed mongers at the Evil Russian Empire has the wherewithal hat and set up both a giant desk microphone McKeon (R-CA), July 27: The Federal Reg- NBC have shoved down our throats? All the to send a nuclear missile our way? Rumor has and a teletype machine that still went “rat tat ister where federal regulations are published while lying to us out here on the Left Coast it that one of the first spots the Evil Commies tat” with each pounding. And just like that, has run 41,662 pages so far this year. These that some of this taped stuff was live. would have targeted, were they to hoist a the Cat in the Hat News Hour was created! regulations will cost the economy $56.6 bil- As the old huckster and promoter P.T. Bar- nuke, was at the Aviation Boulevard, which “What the heck are you planning”? I asked, lion and will take 114.4 million man-hours to num was given credit for saying, “There’s a has housed a lot of top-secret and top-notch to which he replied, “I’m Walter Winchell complete. The Small Business Administration sucker born every minute.” And we, on the military stuff for the past many, many years. reincarnated, but to make my show even (SBA) says red tape costs employers $10,000 Left Coast, are the suckers, again having to put And which is pretty darn close to where better I’m going to add a feature, ask- per employee per year. up with tape-delayed, plausibly live coverage we all live, right? ing readers to join me in an exciting RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, Heritage of the XXX Olympiad. Pathetic. And yet we So we got tired of not winning and decided and fun contest.” “Too cool,” I said. Foundation, July 20: George Bush have to accept it, I guess. Bent over again by to start paying our “amateur” athletes as much “Show me.” With that he tugged down initiated 28 regulations costing the corporate greed mongers. or more than the other countries. Won’t you his hat like a baseball pitcher with $8.1 billion in compliance. Barack As old, veteran human beings will remember, be so proud when Kobe Bryant and the other men on base, wiggled his tail Obama has initiated 106 regulations back in the day the Olympics were supposed gazillionaires who are begrudgingly taking and pitched: costing $46 billion in compliance. to be a sporting contest between our fresh, to the basketball courts in jolly old England RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, CBS/ young, penny-poor amateur athletes, trying pull down the gold medal? I gotta say that New York Times, July 28. The NY Times Poll, July 18: Only to compete with the Commie cheaters from I won’t be all that upset if the LeBrons and Association of Medical Colleges an- 24 percent believe the economy the Evil Soviet empire, or the men posing as Carmelos of the world are actually challenged nounced that we have a 69,000-doctor is getting better. Two-thirds believe women from whichever Germany that was a bit. Lose a game? Don’t win it all? shortage today, but by 2025 it will nearly Obama’s policies contributed to the beating us in swimming and whatever other So did you see notice last week the politi- double to 130,000 under Obamacare. downturn. Incredibly, 52 percent believe sport we normally care little about but become cal brouhaha that sent the social media-ites RAT TAT TAT: Washington, D.C, July the economy “will NEVER improve under slave to for a couple of weeks every four into a frenzy, involving the Chick fil-A fast 30: Today coal produces 40 percent of U.S. Obama.” years. Think that back then, there was an food folks? Seems that the leadership of electricity, but EPA regulations will force the “So, cat lovers, this is the first edition of East and West Germany, and think that the fast food chain, which I have never shutdown of 8.5 percent of current capacity the Cat in the Hat News Hour. We hope the East Germans men and men’s teams’ chowed down at cuz I don’t know where and prohibit construction of new plants. you’ll stay with us and participate in the (posing as women), were the ones that the heck there is one out here, took RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, Investors Busi- contest that follows--and in the meantime, would royally kick our poor little the stand that they don’t cotton ness Daily, July 27.Over the last 10 years, sleep well, America. Government drones are American butts. to same-sex marriage. Which, the private sector employment grew by one watching you.” As would the Soviets. But if I remember what the First percent, but government employment grew Juan Carlos continued, “Without further ado, remember the Miracle on Ice, Amendment is all about, is by 15 percent. President Obama said, “The here’s the contest: Since the Obama campaign when our actual amateur hockey-playing okay, right? You can say what you private sector is doing just fine.” The economy has already selected its slogan, ‘Forward,’ it college kids did beat the Commie Ruskie want? Unless you pick on gay mar- needs to grow by three percent just to absorb is now searching for a campaign song for pros? Back in the Lake Placid Winter riage and then you are labeled a this the population growth…without reducing the the Democratic Convention. The nominated Olys back in 1980? Course that game, or that by the not-so-tolerant lefties, number of currently unemployed. Too bad songs are: probably the most famous game ever played who then decide to try and organize a we’re only growing at 1.5 percent. Happy Days are Here Again: This is the in the Olympics, was sent to us tape-delayed boycott of your little fast food chain? RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, U.S. Census, July traditional Democratic song, but in light of by the TV rights’ holders at the time. Think Seems the lefties are all for freedom of 26: Reports show 224,000 small businesses the economy, it must be sung with tongue in it was ABC. speech, unless the free speech that you espouse that had employed 3.1 million people were cheek. TV networks would have to ready the Back then, we were kind of captive. That’s doesn’t jibe with their agenda. closed between 2008-2010. sound suppression button when the guffawing right. Back in 1980, we had no access to cell- And, promised a Sarah “Princess” Palin up- RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, Ernst & Young, and giggling erupts. phones, the Internet or any of the myriad ways date last week, but failed woefully. Must have July 27: By a 51-48 vote, the Senate approved Don’t Stop Thinking about Tomorrow or that we can now get results instantaneously. been left on the cutting room floor. Anyway, Barack Obama’s plan to raise taxes on small The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow: Since Which makes the tape-delaying of stuff pretty the Princess was tossed under the bus this week business owners earning over $200,000 per 52 percent believe the economy will NEVER frustrating. At least for me. by old man Dick Cheney, who served as the year. That tax increase will hit 1.2 million recover under Obama, neither song with the Not so much in the Summer Olympics, VEEP for the last President Bush. Raise your employers and cost an additional 700,000 jobs. ‘tomorrow’ theme will work. but seemed like there was a nasty beat-down hand if you can remember all of the wonder- RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, International Mon- Yesterday: The Beatles’ nostalgic look at every year in the Winter Olys. And we lost, ful accomplishments from the VEEP Chaney? etary Fund, July 30: The world’s economy will life before Obama may be just the ticket. we whined, because their athletes were trained Anyway, Chaney said that he didn’t think grow by 3.5 percent in 2012, but the U.S. at Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away; professionals who did nothing but train for the that the plucked-from-the-wasteland-of-Alaska less than half that rate. Fifty percent of new Now it looks as though they’re here to stay, Olys, and our kids were working at Big 5, Palin was prepared to become President if, jobs created in the U.S. are part-time jobs. Oh, I believe in yesterday. or the local Jet Strip establishment, making somehow, John McCain had triumphed over For full-time workers, the average workweek Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be money so that they could train for the 100- Mr. Obama and McCain didn’t finish his term. is only 34.5 hours. The average family net There’s a shadow hanging over me yard dash or to cavort on the pommel horse. Duh. Good thing that has all been cleared worth is down 40 percent in the last five years. Oh, yesterday came suddenly. Which may or may not have been true back up for us, Mr. Chaney. McCain picked the RAT TAT TAT: Dateline, Associated Press, The talking cat pulled off his earphones, in the day. Americans can also disseminate Princess because she was a nice-looking, if July 31: Barack Obama announced that by clicked off the mike, cradled his head in his disinformation and cheat, BTW. And just cuz somewhat befuddled woman. First time that September 30, the national debt will reach paws and wept.• I am astute enough to have figured that out a has ever happened, right? • St. John’s Lutheran Church Child Development Center St. John’s Lutheran Church would like to invite children • Diabetes Care between the ages of 2 and 5 years old to our join our Pre-school. 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