Page 4 August 2, 2012 One Man’s Opinion Political Penguin By Gerry Chong Agent Brian Terry who was killed by drug By Duane Plank the outrageous ransom that they currently Juan Carlos, my talking neighborhood cat smugglers in Operation Fast and Furious Nothing really political about the senseless charge for a couple of hours of amusement who insists he’s a relative of the Spanish had been ordered to fire bean bags against massacre that took place a couple of weeks and penny-ante popcorn, you may have to king, and I sat down to share a Hawaiian the druggies. They responded with AK- ago in Aurora, Colorado, at the local movie duck under a metal detector, or some other sunset and mai tais, complete with little 47s, so Agent Terry became history. An theatre where a deranged nutcase decided high-tech apparatus that will give the illusion- umbrellas. We both exhaled contented embarrassed Obama Administration has to gun down as many innocent, wide-eyed -and it is only an illusion--of safety in the “ahhhhs,” stripped down to swim shorts, exercised its right of Executive Privilege moviegoers as he could at the first evening sanctuary of a movie theatre. and kicked off our flip flops. (Of course to remove its excuses from public view.” screening of the much ballyhooed flick The Believe it was President John Fitzgerald mine were bigger than his, but he had Not wanting to neglect its legal obli- Dark Knight Rises. Kennedy, foreshadowing his own assassination four of them.) gations, but refusing to seal the border, Nothing political there, unless you count in Dallas back in 1963, who had commented As he pulled down his aviator shades, Homeland Security has taken to posting the fact of the hue and cry that emanated that if someone really, really wanted to kill the he said, “The thing I like about Ameri- signs in Arizona that say: from one moronic journalist, ABC News lefty President and had no thoughts about getting cans is their sense of humor in the DANGER- Public Warning- Travel Not Brian Ross, who a scant few hours after the away with the murder, that the Secret Service, face of pending disaster. Someone Recommended bloodshed and bullets flew in Aurora, went with all their talent, all of their diligence and said reelecting Obama is like the Active Drug and Human Traffick- on the air and linked the murderous mad- all of their tools, would be helpless to stop Titanic hitting the iceberg, back- ing Area man to the right wing Tea Party movement. a determined, deranged assassin. ing up and ramming it again. Now Visitors May Encounter Armed Apparently, the slipshod journalist Ross had Unfortunately, he proved prescient in his that’s funny.” Criminals played the lazy man’s game and Googled the thoughts. “What else amuses you,” Smuggling Vehicles Travelling murderer’s name. And one of the matches BTW, the Kid had attended the midnight I asked. “Well…” he said. at High Rate of Speed that came up on his personal device associ- showing of The Dark Knight Rises and was “When Michelle and the Stay Away From Trash, Cloth- ated someone with a similar name to the still awake in the mansion when I prepared Queen of Qatar shut down ing, Backpacks and Abandoned Tea partiers. to shove off for work around 5:30 a.m. that Madison Avenue in New York and Vehicles Course the information was bogus, as was fateful morning. He said that I should turn she went on a $50,000 underwear The BLM Encourages Visitors to the Ross report. But it just goes to show on CNN--that there had been terrible shoot- shopping spree at Agent Provocateur, the Use Public Lands North of Highway 8 you that when some members of the me- ings in Colorado. store that advertises itself as selling the “Now you gotta admit that a sign telling dia have a political agenda that they try to I did as advised and said a little thankful world’s most erotic underwear...and she Americans to vacate areas of our country further, they will do darn near anything prayer. As I am sure a lot of parents did did that in the shadows of Occupy Wall is not as good as a fence to keep the bad to discredit the other side. To heck with on that feckless Friday. Street (OWS), which protested greed and guys out, but it’s better than nothing,” said the facts, to heck with the fact that this Okay, so on to some good news… avarice, I thought that was funny.” Could my belly-laughing cat. incredibly sad massacre of innocents pick up the pace a bit. Good news you see Barbara Bush or, God forbid, “This is all tragic. Point out something doesn’t seem to have much connection for President Obama, who fully Mamie Eisenhower in their skimpy undies? funny,” I demanded. to any political party. More the expects to win the Great Bank- Let ‘em eat cake, I say.” “Okay, Okay, how about this one? While work of a despicable dirt-bag rupt State of California in the “Oh,” I said, “You’re really on a roll. conventional fuel for aircraft and ships who would have done the general election that is now What about something of substance”? costs about $3 per gallon, the Department world a big favor if he had about three months away. “Well, Okay,” says he. “Today the Chi- of Defense is requiring the Navy to spend just swallowed 100 Vicodin or pointed And California is quite a plum nese announced an agreement to purchase $26 and the Air Force to spend $59 per a gun at his own temple and pulled the in the electoral scheme of things, for $15 billion Nexen, the Canadian oil gallon in order to burn bio fuels. All this trigger and spared the innocent people what with a mere 55 votes up for company. If approved by the Canadian while the defense budget is gutted by 25 he slaughtered. grabs. For those new to the game, government, it will give China access to percent due to the budget agreement be- And it is not just the lefties in the media the way you win the presidency isn’t to oil in the Gulf of Mexico, the Alberta oil tween Obama and the Congress reached who are guilty of a biased rush to judgment. amass the most popular votes, but to garner sands, the North Sea and Africa. China last summer. Soon sailors will be shovel- Happens on both sides of the political spec- a majority of the electoral votes. will also acquire the technology for deep ing corn cobs into fire pits. Ha ha ha. The trum. Sad, but true. The rush to be first in President Obama or Mitt “The Glove” water drilling and solid rock (fracking) visual of that is too cool. Tote that barge, this immediate notification era trumps being Romney will win the presidency if they are drilling. Meanwhile, here in the U.S. we lift that bale…” right. Seems it is more important to be the able to pick up 270 of the available 538 have denied the Canadian oil pipeline and Getting angry now, I said, “None of this first one out there than be accurate, even if votes. So the 55 that we have here in Cali propose wind energy. So we can collectively is funny,” so the cat raised his shades and the Bolshoi that is thrown against the wall amount to a nice chunk of change for either puff our cheeks to make the blades move said, “You’ve lost your sense of humor, so is rife with half-truths, gossip, innuendo, or candidate. or buy oil from China.” I’ll try one last time. Remember last week, worse, Internet palaver. And even if you are Now the reigning POTUS picked up the 55 “Okay, okay, that’s scary, but what’s the President eliminated the need to seek dead wrong. in 2008, easily outpointing Republican rival funny?” I asked. work as a requirement for receiving welfare? Sometimes, catastrophically grotesque acts John McCain, 61 percent to 37. And back “Well,” he continues, “the Department Well, here’s the good part: Since recipients like the Aurora massacre just happen. People in 2004, the Demo man without a chance, of Homeland Security has issued directive won’t have to look for work, they will no who are strung way too tight snap and embark easterner John Kerry, actually crushed the ‘IS-907-Active Shooter’ directing Customs longer be counted as unemployed, so the on the unfathomable. And the reality of it is, incumbent President Bush, 54-44. and Border Patrol Agents to first hide if rate of unemployment will fall, just in this type of carnage will happen again. You So Romney obviously has his work cut they run across dangerous illegals. If they time for the election. Wonder which genius can count on it. Because if a deranged loon out for him in Cali. Unless he and his op- cannot hide, then they are to run. But finally, thought that one up? Now you gotta admit really wants to kill innocents and cares not eratives have already thrown in the towel, if they are trapped, they may use deadly that’s both clever and funny.” for his or her own safety, then how can he preferring to spend their time and money in force--but if they do, they will be subject Mumbling in my mai tai and my face or she be stopped? We can’t make America so-called swing states where the Republican to investigative action by the Agency and reddening, I don’t know if I’m embarrassed a lockdown country, can we? Assume that challenger may have a better chance to derail could end up in big trouble. As you know, for our country or got too much sun. • the next time you go to a movie and pay the Obama Express. Nationwide, the latest Gallup poll has the DUAL & QUAD CORE Romney, 46-45. 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