Page 4 August 16, 2012 One Man’s Opinion Political Penguin By Gerry Chong The Mad Hatter rolls on the ground By Duane Plank hear the answer to--just trying to make small Writer’s note: One of the most entertaining laughing and points out illegal aliens pay You can’t put the toothpaste back in the talk with some fellow citizens, which seems but technically challenging schools of writing lower college tuition than American citizens tube, right? Once that minty stuff escapes the to be increasingly challenging in this era is sometimes referred to as “nonsense” from other states! That which is illegal cylinder, there ain’t no do-overs. So I admit of incessant, incredibly rude usage of these writing. Often an innocent heroine is thrown is now legal, and that which is wrong is to being a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to mobile devices. from her comfort zone into one that is made right. technology. And we aren’t going back to my So a couple of weeks remain before the hallucinogenic--filled with bizarre characters Up jumps the March Hare with his newest heyday, are we? Very, very satisfied to be able Elephant Partiers gather in Florida, and expressing non sequitur opinions. Two of riddle: “When is progress not progress?” to use my cheapo cell phone to occasionally Romney has not released his Veep selection. the most successful stories of this genre are Giggling, he responds, “When the economy make a call or receive and send very important Last time I looked, there were three to five Alice in Wonderland and The Wizard of Oz. grows 163,000 jobs, but simultaneously texts to column-supporters and friends. Which, guys on the alleged shortlist, which could be Today, in his never-ending search for 150,000 people give up searching for work. most times, are one and the same. a list derived from political media boredom truth, freedom and the American way, our Since their withdrawal reduces the number But I am chagrined at the fact that too many and burnout. After all, a couple of days prior neighborhood talking cat, Juan Carlos, host of unemployed, our economy is seen as of you seem to be so preoccupied with these to the John McCain camp selection of Sarah of The Cat in the Hat News Hour, joins thriving!” Down is up, up is down. gizmos that you ignore the folks with whom “Princess” Palin four years ago, don’t think with Alice, Dorothy and their friends for The Wicked Witch of the West says, you are actually in personal contact, whether that she was on anyone’s shortlist. Or any list a journey to the November election. Let’s “I’ll get you, my pretty,” referring to Janet it be out at a restaurant, at a ballgame, on at all. Other than a list that might have been join them, shall we? Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security, the job, or even in the domicile. compiled by a political writer with a lot of His Walter Winchell hat snugly tugged who testified to Congress that terrorists from Why is something on that darn screen column inches to fill that might have been down and his microphone in hand, Carlos Yemen, Iran, Sudan, Somalia and Afghanistan more important than sharing a convo with the titled “Most Anonymous American Governors.” travels the Yellow Brick Road. Suddenly, cross into the U.S. from Mexico, but we person you are standing or sitting next to? Anyway, I will take the safe side here and from the shadows of a tree, he sees a huge should not be concerned because those Because you can? Because you bought some predict that the furiously fundraising POTUS, smile…but no body. Says Carlos, “I have incursions only occur “from time to time.” outrageously priced data plan that allows you Mr. Obama, will nominate the current Vice often seen a cat without a smile, but I have With head bowed, the Cowardly Lion to selfishly and incessantly check said gizmo? President, Joe Biden, as his running mate never seen a smile without a cat!” With that, quietly mumbles, “We invested $82 billion in To what end? Did I say selfishly? when the Demos meet for their convention, the Cheshire Cat leaps from the tree and GM and are still owed $30 billion. Taxpayers Gotta opine that, in this day and age, no which begins in early September, deep in joins Carlos on his journey. Quickly they could break even when GM stock reaches one is really impressed with you because the heart of NASCAR country in Charlotte, encounter Alice and Dorothy, who exclaim $53 per share, but sadly, today it’s worth you can summon up the current temperature North Carolina. that they were thrown into a Mad Tea Party less than $20. GM”s earnings are down 52 in Cupertino on your phone. Or the date of Occasionally opine about the raking over the and expelled from Kansas by a tornado, and percent from last year and more of their cars the next Barry Manilow concert in Vegas. Or coals that the oil companies subject us to, and now find themselves in a world gone insane. are produced in China 32 percent than the the start time for an Olympic soccer game. guess what?--more of that has already started The party is full of mind-altering U.S. 30 percent. I don’t have the courage Case in point. Was out and about recently, coming our way. The day prior to tapping out mushrooms, tea cups that shrink and grow, to suggest Bain Capital could have handled diligently doing my poli sci research, when I this tome, the spit hit the fan about a nasty and riddles, riddles, riddles. A sign at the taxpayer money more prudently.” If only I wondered what the start date of the Republican fire at a refinery up in Richmond, Cali that party asks, “Would you please tell me which had the courage to speak up. Convention was. Just innocently trying to apparently sent “scores of people to hospitals way I ought to go?”, while responding signs Dorothy says, “In Kansas, we’re confused make pitter-patter chatter with the good with complaints of breathing problems.” say, “Up, Down. Go this way. Go that way.” by a President who sealed his history by fellows sitting next to me, who were typing Now, I am sure that these “scores of people” Clearly we’re not in Kansas anymore… Executive Order, but demands that his away on their phones, ignoring me. were all devastated by the fire at the big old A confused Scarecrow notes: “We wage opponent be more personally transparent. Which happens at times, but I deal with it refinery and weren’t racing to the hospital, constant war to keep the peace! Last year The House Speaker’s lie about a presidential and move on. But I got the attention of both fabricating their distress and hoping to file we gave Iraq $200 million--a sum they candidate not having paid income taxes for of the self-absorbed sitters. One intoned, “I a lucrative claim against the humongous oil did not request for a program they did 10 years shows Oz has become a world can find that out,” and started tapping away company that, if memory serves me, was not support. Nevertheless, we forced them without values or ethics.” Bad is good, on his never-never-to-be-put-away tele. But to first established in Richmond, wherever that to take the money because it had been good is gone. one-up him, the other fellow started yelling is, more than a hundred years ago. budgeted. President Obama is again budgeting Alice woefully says, “I’m confused too. into his phone, bellowing, “When does the And I am hoping that the ambulance-chasing Iraqi aid for 2013 since it ‘maintains our As our economy struggles, our President’s Republican Convention start?” lawyers weren’t behind all the folks running commitment.’” And they say this Scarecrow goal is to more than double the cost of gas I was amazed. Did not know that you could to the hospital. Though I will wager a nickel has no brain? from $4 to $10, thereby raising business’ yell at a phone and the phone would answer that the joke that is the fossil Gloria Allred has An outraged Queen of Hearts screams, “In costs while reducing consumers’ spending back, so help me, Steve Jobs. Awesome. By already set up a tent near Richmond and will our world, the successful have their wealth power. Coal produces 40 percent of our the time the tapping guy could answer, after soon be holding a presser, alleging that some confiscated and are identified as society’s electricity, but the EPA has issued regulations checking some website, the other guy had man intentionally set the refinery fire to take villains, while the unsuccessful are rewarded taking 8.5 percent of our plants out of already replied that the convention starts advantage of some down-on-her-luck hooker. with ‘entitlements!’ The government spends service and precludes the construction of on August 27 and will be taking place in But I digress. Guess my thought is: Why money we do not have to enslave our poor new plants.” Is this a sound plan for a Tampa. Which was also awesome, to have did the petrol station down the street from in programs we cannot afford.” Left is right, Wonderland? that knowledge imparted my way. Now I the mansion raise their prices a nanosecond right is wrong. For Alice, Dorothy and all the tea partiers, knew that important info and the start date after the fire occurred? Now, I know that is The White Rabbit muses, “Those that the signs point in every direction. Up is of the coronation for Mitt “The Glove” exactly what every other profiteering petrol pay no taxes at all believe those that do down. Left is right. Right is wrong. And the Romney and schmooze-booze-fest that is a company does, but this is Mayberry, right? pay taxes are not paying their fair share!” Yellow Brick Road has become the Road national political convention circa 2012. 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