Featuring the Weekly Newspapers of Hawthorne, Inglewood and Lawndale Lawndale Tribune AND lAwNDAle News Hawthorne Press Tribune Herald Publications - El Segundo, Hawthorne, Lawndale & Inglewood Community Newspapers Since 1911 - (310) 322-1830 - Vol. 3, No. 6 - February 11, 2021 Inside This Issue Certified & Licensed Professionals.......................7 Classifieds............................2 Entertainment......................2 Food.......................................7 Hawthorne............................3 Lawndale..............................4 Inglewood.............................5 Legals....................................6 Neighborhood Therapist.....2 Pets........................................8 Weekend Forecast Friday AM Showers 64˚/51˚ Saturday Partly Cloudy 61˚/52˚ Sunday Mostly Sunny 65˚/50˚ Councilman Ralph Franklin is Recognized for His Years of Service Inglewood Councilmember Dionne Faulk was thrilled to participate in Crenshaw Imperial Plaza’s Ribbon Cutting Ceremony honoring former District 4 Councilman Ralph Franklin with a bench and “Koi Pond.” Thank you NewMark Merrill Companies for honoring Ralph Franklin for his 18 years of service to the City of Inglewood and it’s residents. Photo courtesy Inglewood Councilmember Dionne Faulk. Relationship Specialist Brian Mattson Gives Advice for Valentine’s Day By Kiersten Vannest When you think of Valentine’s Day, you may think of mass-produced cards, a dozen red roses, and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Perhaps you see it as just a special day to celebrate the love in your life. Whether you think of it as a commercial holiday or another way to express your devotion, relationship specialist and South Bay resident Brian Mattson, MFT, says the best way to celebrate this holiday with your partner is to listen to them. Sounds simple, right? Mattson, born in Kansas City and a graduate of the University of Kansas, realized that his life was about to change when he got a promotion at his suit-and-tie consulting job. “They kind of laid out my future, and I literally fell against my boss’s door in depression,” says Mattson. Two weeks later, he quit that job, sold everything, and moved to San Francisco. He began working in a bookshop focused on psychology and spirituality, and as he read and learned more about it, he knew he wanted to pursue this new course. He went to graduate school in LA, and got a job working with foster kids in South Central LA. From here, his work evolved into helping couples. “I got a reputation for working with kids, but what ended up [happening] was the kids were usually okay,” he says, “It was the parents that needed help.” Through his work with parents, he narrowed down what he wanted to do with his training and focused on what he lovingly describes as the “dynamic aspect of couples.” After a few more years of trauma training and neurobiology couples therapy training, he moved into his current El Segundo office for private practice. Couples come to see him when they are no longer able to resolve conflict on their own or when communication has broken down. When everything is ending in a fight, the answer he offers is in the nervous system. Mattson explains the nervous system as binary. “It’s either open for love and affection and empathy, or it’s shut down to those things and turned on the defense.” He connects this to past trauma, saying that every experience gets filtered through our wounding. If, for example, a person experiences attachment trauma that results in a break or injury to the bond with the primary caregiver at a young age, they may carry that Brian Mattson, MFT, works with couples to improve their relationships. “If you’re in a defense based conversation, you don’t get access to the best parts of your brain,” says Mattson. He doesn’t solve couples’ problems, he says, he helps them to stay regulated so they have full access to their brain. So how do we recognize when we’re in this mode? Racing heart, flushed face, fidgeting… if your body is charging up for a fight or flight, you’re likely not in listening mode. Learn to recognize your triggers, be mindful of your body, and work on regulating your mind so you can remain open to healthy dialogue. “Love is always in the listening,” says Mattson, “it’s rarely in the talking.” In his practice, Mattson sees what he calls the Big Five, in terms of what brings in his clients, any of which can lead to divorce. trauma into their adult relationship and not even know it. “A lot of times people don’t remember what happened or how they got injured…but their nervous system always remembers,” he says. So, when that important conversation in the relationship arrives, the body is already in defense, and being binary, this means it is shut off to love, affection, and empathy. If you enter a conversation with your partner from this place, whether you know it or not, you are relying on your fight or flight mode, working the more primitive parts of the brain to keep yourself safe. The more sophisticated prefrontal cortex and cortical area allow you to process the conversation and react from a more regulated place. See Brian Mattson, page 5
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